


What shall I do?

by maleclovess



Category: Call Me By Your Name (2017)
Genre: Continued Story, FIx It, Feelings, Fluff, Love, M/M, Oliver is sad, alternative ending, elio is a bit mad, later ending, maybe smut later, oliver misses elio, oliver will be bold, seek, they will be together eventually
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-06
Updated: 2018-12-02
Packaged: 2019-03-27 23:42:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 29
Words: 33,071
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13891605
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/maleclovess/pseuds/maleclovess
Summary: After Oliver goes back home and back to his life in the states, he realizes he misses elio so much it makes his life goes downhill. Elio is constantly in his head. Oliver thinks about his possibilities but what will he do? Will he go back to Italy? Contact Elio? Or stay hidden and just live a life he doesn't want anymore?





	1. I miss you, Oliver

It was a Tuesday morning and the weather was nice. Oliver sat on his couch, where the sun streamed through the window. The light danced on his skin and heated it up. Oliver had his eyes closed. Thoughts going to a place, he learned to love. A place far out of reach right now. A memory, so close and yet so far away. His thoughts were interrupted by the bell ringing. He opened his eyes, slightly annoyed he was forced to leave his favorite place, even if he wasn't even really there. He got up and opened the door. It was a delivery man. "I didn't order anything.", he said to the man. The man looked up at him annoyed and he showed him the package. Oliver realized his fiancé ordered it and he quickly accepted it. He didn't understand why she kept ordering stuff to his home and not hers. Maybe it was another way of her telling him she wants to move in with him. She asked him a little while after he proposed, but he told her he wasn't ready for that right now and asked if they could postpone it to later. She nodded and smiled, it was quite evident it wasn't the answer she seemed, but she accepted it nonetheless, because she didn't want to loose him again probably. 

Oliver didn't want her to live with him. he didn't want anyone in his home, except for one person. The person, he seeked the most. He tried not to think or say his name, the hurt too much for his heart. But Oliver found it quite hard to follow this task. His name was just too beautiful. 

Elio. Elio. Elio. 

Oliver stood in the middle of his living room, saying his favorite name out loud. His heart clenched and he felt tears stinging in his eyes. Every day after he left Italy, he found himself crying at least once a day. There were days, when it was better and days where he felt so bad, he literally wanted to die. The days after he just left, were the worst in his life. He cried his eyes out, missing the gentle touches, missing the giggles in the middle of the night, missed to bury his face in the beautiful, smooth curls. He missed to have talks about books and music they both loved.  
The day he called Elio and told him about his engagement he cried as well. Elio sounded so heartbroken and sad, Oliver had to hold back his tears so not to cry on the phone. But as soon as he ended the call he played on the floor, crying for hours and hours. At the fact, he made Elio sad. At the fact, he was going to marry someone, that wasn't him. At the fact he asked such a stupid question. 'Do you mind?' 'Do you mind?' Of course he does. Oliver would if it would be the other way around. And he knew Elio does too. 

He didn't even know, why he asked her to marry him. It was after one long night of heavy crying. Oliver decided to accept his fate and live the life, he always should have. And not to seek after one, he would never have in real life. So he proposed to her the next day. She was so happy and instantly said yes. Oliver pretended to be as happy as her, but he felt awful. Awful and tired and so so lost. What did he just do? He didn't even want that. He doesn't want that. She is not the person he wants to spend his life with. It is Elio. It will always be him. But he couldn't have him. Not forever. Not for a lifetime. 

Or could he? 

He would be lying, if he said he didn't think about it. A life with Elio. A life full of real love and summers in Italy. To just leave everything behind and be with the one person, he wanted to be. 

But he could't have it. Right? There was so much not lining up to this wish. His parents, his job, him living here and Elio living there. His fiancé. Everybody's expectations. It was too much. he couldn't just break out of it. Of his life. 

Oliver felt the hot tears streaming down his cheeks. The salt on his lips. He hated himself for crying. For being such a broken person lately. But what could he do? He just lost the best thing he ever had. He sat down on the couch again. He willed himself to close his eyes again and tip his head back. The sun dried his tears. He imagined it to be Elio. His fingers, his lips, anything he would give him. He imagined the sun was in Italy and he was laying there on the grass. Book in his hand and soft guitar noises in the back. All he could think was..

I miss you,  
Elio.  
I miss you,  
Oliver. My Oliver.


	2. A beer unveils the secret

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oliver meets with a friend for drinks. When James asks Oliver about his bad mood lately, Oliver thinks about telling him.

Oliver was supposed to meet a friend for drinks tonight. He was close to canceling it but then he thought why moping around. It won't change anything, so he can also go out and enjoy his life to the extend he could at the moment. After he graded some papers of his students, he got up and got ready. He looked in the mirror and he felt so bad just staring at himself. Ever since Italy he had the feeling he wasn't true to himself anymore. Like he never fully was before either, but he never had a strong reason to change that. But ever since Italy, ever since Elio, he had a reason back in his mind. He quickly left the bathroom and the mirror and got dressed. 

James and him met outside their favorite pub. As Oliver waited outside for James to arrive, he got really cold. Even if it wasn't cold outside. He wrapped his jacket tighter together and tried to relax. His mind travelled back to the little place in Italy, where he used to play poker. It was nice, he got accepted by these men and they just had a good time. Without any pressure and anyone asking him annoying questions. He could decide what to do and where to spend his time. He loved it when Elio watched him playing, even with all these men around him, Elio just watched Oliver. Oliver was happy in Italy. But if he was honest to himself it wasn't because of playing poker.  
James arrived a few minutes later and they greeted each other. "Are you okay man? You look like you are sick.", James said to Oliver. Oliver nodded. "No I'm good. I just got a bit cold." James scrunched his eyebrows together. "Cold?! I don't think it is very cold." Oliver nodded again. "Yeah probably not." James looked at him with scrunched eyebrows again. "Let's go in.", Oliver quickly said. 

Inside they ordered their favorite beer and talked for a while. James was an artist, a painter to be more specific. And the way he talked about his art, reminded Oliver awfully of Elio and his passion for music and books. The way he talked about his favorite pieces and the composers. Oliver never cared much for music before, but he loved to hear Elio talk about it and teach him stuff. One day they sat at the piano and Elio taught him a little piece. Every time Oliver made a mistake, Elio would laugh fondly and kiss his cheek and whisper: "Try again." He loved to hear Elio talk about his favorite books and what he didn't like about them and what he loved. Elio had an opinion to everything and so much knowledge, it always blew Oliver's mind. 

"Hey are you even listening?" Oliver was broken out of his daydream by James. "Yes i am." "Oh really? Because I just asked you a question and you didn't even look up." Oliver cursed himself. It happened again. Lately he was zoning out so much, always finding himself in a daydream about Elio and Italy. "Sorry I was just.. never mind. What did you say?" James shook his head. "Oliver. I know something is wrong with you. Ever since you came back from Italy you are not the same. Did something happen there?" Oliver closed his eyes. No, nothing happened there. It was someone who happened there. "What? No. I already told you about my time there and how great it was." "Yes but i always get the feeling you are leaving something out. I mean c'mon, you act so weird ever since. You are not focusing and you are always so bad mooded." Oliver closed his eyes again. He knew this would happen. That someone would find out. He was sure his fiancé did as well, but she didn't want to ask him, probably afraid of the answer. Oliver really tried to cover his real emotions up and act like he was okay, like he was happy, but he was sure, he failed 90% of the time. But he just could't act like he was okay. James placed a hand on Oliver's shoulder. "Hey you can talk to me, you know that right? Whatever it is, I won't tell anyone." Oliver's heart pumped. Did James know? But he couldn't know right? He doesn't know Elio. 

"Why are you saying that?", Oliver asked, for the first time looking at James. James sighed. "Ollie.. I've been heartbroken and lovesick before and that is exactly how you are behaving. So if you.. if you met someone in Italy and you had a thing going on with another woman then you can tell me. I won't tell your girl. i'm your friend and I am here for you." Oliver never thought James would be such a supporting soul. Sure he was his best friend, but they didn't normally speak about these emotional things with each other. Oliver looked down again. He stared in his beer and watched how the foam swimmed around. Could he tell James? Could he trust him? He was his best friend after all. But Oliver was scared. He didn't want to loose his memory of Elio. The positivity he brought to his life. He doesn't want to have it destroyed with someone talking badly about him or what they had. But he felt so alone with his thoughts and he had nobody to turn to. Maybe it would be good for him to get it off his chest. He looked up at James again. "No I didn't meet another woman." James nodded, his face not looking relieved but also not happy. He didn't believe him, Oliver could tell. "Okay what is it then if you didn't meet someone?", he asked. Oliver took a deep breath. 

"I did meet someone." 

James looked confused. "What? But you just told me you didn't?" Oliver looked at him. 

"I didn't meet a woman." James made huge eyes and looked a bit baffled. "Oliver what are you saying? I.." Oliver interrupted him.

"I met a man."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave a comment and tell me what you think :)


	3. Sometimes fear is the only thing holding us back

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oliver realizes not everybody is as cruel as he thinks. And he realizes he has a true friend, who is supporting, no matter what.

"A man? Oliver do you know what you are saying?"  
"Yes I.. you know just forget it."  
"No. No I am sorry. You can talk to me. I didn't mean in a rude way, I was just asking if I understood correctly."  
Oliver looked down at his beer again. "So I did I guess.", James stated. Oliver looked up at him and then slowly nodded. James remained calm. "Let's get out of here and talk yeah?" He said it in such gentle voice, that Oliver wasn't scared of telling him anymore. He expected hate and rejection. That James would tell him to shut up, but that didn't happen. He just accepted the news and wanted to make Oliver talk about his problems. 

James and Oliver were outside now, walking towards Oliver's apartment. The walk was quiet, James probably sensing Oliver doesn't want to talk about it on the streets. And Oliver deep in thoughts. This would be the very first time he told someone about what really happened this summer and about the love he found. The unconditional, most beautiful love he ever experienced. How much should he tell James? All of it? Just pieces? Play it down? But then again, he doubted he could even play down the love his heart still holds. 

They reached Oliver's door and quickly went inside. After removing their jackets, they sat down on Oliver's couch. The place that brings Oliver back to Italy when it was sunny outside. James looked at him and patiently waited for him to begin talking. He didn't put any sort of pressure on Oliver and Oliver realized how good the other man actually knows him. 

"I fell in love in Italy."  
James nodded. "With a man?"  
"Yes."  
"Who was it?", James asked.  
There. There it was. The other major thing that was so wrong with this situation. What held Oliver back even then. Elio was just 17, he was a boy in the eyes of the open. To Oliver though, he was a man.  
"I fear your reaction if I tell."  
James had a comforting look on his face. "Just tell me."  
"Don't make a bad comment about it please. I need..I don't.." "Hey I get it.. just tell me man."  
Oliver breathed in harshly. Now or never huh?  
"It was the son." James looked confused. "Whose son?" But when Oliver looked up, he saw the exact moment James figured it out in his head. "Oh my god Oliver!" Oliver nodded. "Oh my god.", James repeated and Oliver could just nod again. "But wasn't he like 15?"  
"17."  
James sat in silence, probably fighting with himself not to make a rude comment. "Tell me about him then."  
Oliver's eyes shot up. "What?!"  
James laughed, but it was not to make fun of him. It was a laugh like 'Man seriously'. 

"I told you you can talk to me, so do it. I won't say anything bad about him."  
"But you are supposed to freak out about it James. Everybody would."  
"Oliver, if you fell in love with him, there was a reason for that. I know you, you are hard with feelings and commitment. If he meant something to you then he had to be special."  
Oliver couldn't believe his ears. James didn't mind. He could tell him. He didn't reject him, more so he believed in his judgement.  
Oliver couldn't help himself but search forward and hug James. This rarely happened, both not really that open to show physical affection. James laughed again and hugged him back. Then Oliver sat back and thought about where to start.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please tell me what you think about the fic and the chapters. :)  
> I'm thankful for every Kudo, Bookmark etc.  
> Thanks for reading!


	4. Take a chance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oliver tells James about Elio and the love they found in Italy. James realized Oliver's love and pain and has a serious talk with him then. P.s. James is amazing :D

"Okay um where do I start?" Oliver scrunched his eyebrows.   
"Did he love you back? I mean you said you fell in love but did you act on it? Or didn't he know?" Oliver had to laugh at that. The question if it would have been better to just not do anything with Elio back in Italy haunted his thoughts a lot. But he always came to the conclusion that it is better to suffer now, than to never have experienced that love.   
"No no we were both in love, it was mutual..I think.. I mean we never actually said 'I love you' to each other but I am quite sure he loved me too."   
James nodded in understanding. "And how did it happen? I mean that you both knew the other one held feelings?"   
Oliver sighted deeply. How did it happen?   
"He told me one day." James raised his eyebrows at that.   
"Bold for a 17 year old."   
Oliver nodded and then smiled fondly. Quite ironic that Elio was the one to speak out about it first.   
"He is more mature than you would expect." James smiled at Oliver.   
"He told me not directly but I got the message and then a few hours later, we shared our first kiss at his spot."   
"His spot?"   
Oliver nodded again, thinking back to laying on the warm grass next to Elio. The sun heating up their skin. He never felt so content in his life.   
"Yes his reading spot. He showed me that day, said not many people actually know about it. It is also where Monet used to go to paint."   
At that James made huge eyes, he was a painter after all. "Oh wow that is so incredible! How was it? I heard about that before, that he had a spot in Italy."   
"It was amazing. It is a little berm. The sun shines directly in your face and you can just lay on the grass and enjoy the silence and the nature around you. I get why they both have it as their spot."   
James smiled again. Oliver was still really surprised how easy it was to talk to James about all of this.   
"And you shared your first kiss there?"   
Oliver nodded. Thinking back at how he traced Elio's lips with his finger.   
"Yes. It was after weeks of both of us not acting on our feelings or trying to ignore it. It was so beautiful, I think it was the best kiss of my life, to be quite honest."   
"But then I broke the kiss. I wanted to be good."   
"Good?", James asked, a frown on his face.   
"Good yeah. I was scared I think? Of having feelings for him. Of having feelings for a man." James nodded.   
"So you decided it was better to just not do anything?" That was the first time that James actually sounded disapproving and mocking. But it was for the wrong reasons. James was supposed to be mocking him of having something with a male, not because he decided it was better to just shut it out completely because he was afraid. This was not how anyone was supposed to react. Or was it? 

"I just..I didn't want to come back here and having to act as if I was not a different man in Italy."  
"And you don't? Feel like that now I mean?", James asked. Oliver always loved how honest and direct James was, but right now he hated it.   
He didn't answer, because the answer was clear to both of them already.   
"Did it end then?"   
Oliver shook his head.   
"No. I couldn't stand away from him. And neither could he. We allowed it to happen for a while, until I had to leave that is."   
"So you kind of had a little relationship with him?"   
Oliver was stunned for a second. He never thought of it like that..never allowed himself too.   
"Maybe..but we both knew how it would end.."   
"Do his parents know?"   
"Maybe..i guess they kind of saw it. Maybe he told them..I don't know. But it wouldn't surprise me."   
James nodded.   
"If they knew then they were okay with it." Oliver nodded.   
"They are very nice people and they love Elio to the fullest."   
James looked at Oliver with a sad face, knowing how his parents were and that he was referring to them right now.   
"Tell me about him." Oliver looked up and their eyes met. He nodded. A fond smile on his face. 

"He is the purest person I have ever met , James. He is so polite and well raised. And smart, so so smart. You wouldn't believe it. He knows so much, about history and books and music and just the world. He reads a lot, books I would have never read at 17. And he understands them and talks about them.He always had his very own opinion, willing to share it. We talked about books for hours. I love they way he says things. With so much thought, but then again so little because he already has his opinion. It was crazy, I never connected to someone's mind that strong before. He got me and I got him. And his music. It is his passion. He transcribed music every single day. And when he played the piano..you should listen to it. He is so amazing and so talented. I mean sure he had years of practice but he is still so good at it. It is insane. I loved to hear him play. One time he tried to teach me a bit. But you know how I am with music. And when we played outside in the garden, he played on the guitar. Just imagine laying in the grass under the Italian sun with soft sounds in the back. Just his whole person..so carefree and educated and happy." At that Oliver's facial expression changed, he hoped Elio was still that person. He hoped he didn't make him so sad, that he wasn't that carefree and happy man anymore. He couldn't bare the thought. 

"You really love him." Oliver looked up at James' words. He saw some tears shining in James' eyes. Wow, now he made him cry too.   
"I've never heard you talk about anyone like that, Oliver."   
Oliver gulped.   
"Well I have never loved anyone like him.", he said quietly.   
"Why did you leave him then?"   
Oliver's head shot up. "What?!"   
"Why did you walk away from all that?"   
Oliver was taken aback by that question. Why? Why? Surely James would know the reasons?!  
"You know why.", he said.   
James shook his head. "No I don't."   
"Don't be stupid, James. How should it work? He lives in Italy and I live here, I have a job here, a life I had to get back to. And also I have a fiancé and you know how my family is." 

"Why did you propose to her anyways? After all that?"   
"I don't know. I thought it would make it easier. Would help me forget about him. But it didn't, it just made me feel worse. Like I'm hiding."   
"That's because you are Oliver." Oliver looked at James shocked.   
James sighed. "Look I am not trying to be rude or make you feel even worse. But you are hiding. You can have it. You could have it all these months, Oliver. You are scared."   
"Of course I am! Imagine if my parents find out!"  
"What then?"  
Oliver was starting to get a bit mad now.   
"Oh my god James seriously?! You know what then! They will hate me, they won't want to have anything to do with me anymore!"   
James stood up and sat back down, closer to Oliver.   
"Yeah but do they really love you then? I'm sorry to speak like that. But if that boy..sorry man."   
"Elio."   
"Elio. If you love him that much and he loves you, then maybe that is worth more than what your parents say just because they don't understand. Their homophobia shouldn't stop you from living your life. You should be happy Oliver. And right now you are a mess. You are sad and grumpy because you just lost the love of your life. But you went away and left it behind. Would you rather not have Elio for the rest of your life or your parents?"  
Oliver had tears in his eyes now. The thought of never having, feeling or kissing Elio again brought so much pain in his chest.   
"Him. I want him. Always." James smiled at that.   
"But he is so young. He should be able to live without me by his side as a partner at such a young age.", Oliver said now. James rolled his eyes.   
"You tell me he is smart. Maybe you should let him decide that on his own."   
He never thought about that. He thought it was easier for him to make the decision for Elio. But James was right, Elio was smart enough to make his own decision.   
"What about me marrying?"   
"Oliver! If you don't want to marry her then you don't do it. You and her never worked much and you know it. I never understood why you kept going back to her, but I guess now I understand."   
Oliver looked down shamefully.   
"You think it is really possible? For me to have this life?" He didn't allow these kind of thoughts before. Of another life. A life of him and Elio together in it. Of Oliver breaking free and do what he wants and what makes him happy. If he thought about it, he never fully did that. Italy was the closest thing. But it was all still in his mind back then. his parents and the homophobia.   
"If you are willing to risk it? Yes. But I think you should hurry before your chances with him are gone."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave me a comment with your thoughts! Would love to get your opinion :)


	5. Is it too late to hope?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oliver and James plan what to do next.

"You.. you think I could do that? That he would take me back?"  
James sighed, and then put his elbows on his knees and massaged his temples.  
"Oliver I don't know..I mean I don't know him. But from what you just told me, I think he loves you back and I can imagine he is as devastated as you are right now. I mean he still lives at that place..that must be even more horrible."  
Oliver closed his eyes. How many times had he imagined Elio laying in bed crying because he misses Oliver. But Oliver tried not to think about that too much, he can't bear the thought he made Elio so sad. Maybe he wasn't even sad? Maybe he was doing okay without Oliver? Maybe he met someone..or is with Marzia again. 

James sensed his distress.  
"Hey talk to me..don't get lost in that head of yours again."  
Oliver looked up at James.  
"Maybe he doesn't even want me anymore. I left him there and then disappeared completely until I called him to tell him I am engaged."  
"You what?!" Oliver nodded.  
"He knows you are engaged?" Oliver nodded again and tears formed in his eyes.  
"Okay wow you can be a prick."  
Oliver made huge eyes and looked up at James.  
James raised his hands. "I mean seriously that was horrible of you...god Oliver..the poor boy."  
Oliver's eyes spilled the tears now. He knew it was a dick move back then, but he needed Elio to know. He needed him to say he is okay with it. Even if it was a lie.  
"Why would you even do that", James asked.  
"I don't know..he needed to know. I needed him to know. And tell me he is okay with it."  
"And you believed that?"  
"No..I knew he wasn't okay with it. Hell I wasn't even okay with it."  
James sighed again and looked at Oliver with a scolding face.  
"Okay..maybe you should call the dad..the professor I mean. Ask about Elio..how he is doing and stuff."  
Oliver nodded. 

"I do talk to him."  
"But he doesn't talk about Elio?"  
Oliver shook his head sadly.  
"No..I mean I guess he doesn't want to tell me anything without Elio's permission and also he doesn't know if I want to know I think. After all I am set to marry."  
James nodded.  
"Hm understandable I would say."  
Oliver nodded.  
"Yeah I guess."  
"But I think if you would call and tell him what you are thinking about, he will talk to you."  
"Yes I think so too. He is a good man and an even better father." James smiled at Oliver. 

"But what will I say to Anne?"  
"Do you think she knows?"  
"I am not so sure. I guess she knows something is off but she doesn't dare to ask. Maybe she is sensing I had an 'affair' in Italy..I really don't know."  
"Just call the professor first..see how it goes and what he says..maybe then you can tell her. She will understand..she adores you."  
"That is exactly what I am afraid of."  
James patted Oliver on the back.  
"Everything will be okay. Just be honest and true to yourself Ollie. And be sure of your decision."  
Oliver nodded and smiled at James thankfully.  
"Do you want to crash here? It is rather late."  
James nodded.  
"If you don't mind."  
"No not at all man." Oliver got up and got James some sheets for him to sleep on the couch. He set everything up, while James disappeared into the bathroom. He was so thankful for James right now, that he actually listened and didn't judge him in any way. It was a good feeling, one he never expected. 

Oliver then went into the kitchen and filled two glasses with water. He sat one on the couch table. James was on the couch by now. "Night Oliver."  
"Night mate."  
As Oliver walked towards his bedroom, he turned around one more time.  
"Hey James?"  
"Hm?"  
"Thank you. For real, i thought I couldn't talk to anybody."  
"I know. I would have thought the same I think. I'm here for you mate."  
Oliver smiled and then walked towards the bedroom. 

He layed down on his bed and looked out of the window next to it. He thought about James' words, that he has to be quick in order to not loose Elio. He was sure Elio was mad at him. For leaving and for making him fall in love in the first place. For not keeping in touch. For calling to tell him he is going to marry a girl he never heard of.  
He thought about the talk he could have with Prof. What he would tell him..

Oliver fell asleep with the face of Elio in his mind. The beauty that boy was. His hair. His eyes. His lips. He wished he could touch it..but maybe he could soon? 

Or is it too late to hope?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Didn't know if Olivers fiancé has a name, so I just called her Anne. Haha  
> Tell me what you think please!:) Thanks for reading.


	6. A phone call can change your life

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oliver makes that phone call that could change his life. What will Prof say?

Oliver was awake really early in the morning. He didn't even check the time, but he woke up when it was dark and now the sunshine came through slowly. Oliver was laying on his back, head propped up on his arms. He thought about Elio and if he should really dare to make the first step and just risk it all. After thinking back and fourth for a while, he just couldn't bear the thought of loosing Elio forever. He made his decision. In a second he got up from the bed and walked towards the living room, where his phone was. 

As he walked into the living room, he saw that James was awake as well. Oliver smiled at him and he earned a smile back. "I'm gonna call prof."  
James nodded enthusiastically.  
"Do you want me to leave?"  
"No.", Oliver said quickly. If the phone doesn't go as expected, he didn't want to be alone after it.  
"Can you stay?"  
"Sure Olli, whatever you want."  
James sat up on the couch and Oliver sat next to him. He breathed in and out a couple of times.  
James sensed his nervousness and decided to speak up.  
"Oliver you can do it. Just think about the other option. Go for it."  
Oliver needed these words, he nodded to himself and then dialed the number of the Perlmans. 

"Pronto."  
Oliver looked up to James, who raised his eyebrows and nodded.  
"Hey Prof."  
"Oliver! It is good to hear from you!"  
"It is good to hear from you too."  
"How are you Oliver?"  
"Good good." James brushed his shoulder and shook his head. Oliver sighed.  
"Um actually Prof i am not that good."  
"Oh, but why? is it your health? Or the job?"  
"No, neither of those things."  
Prof didn't say anything further, he just waited for Oliver to continue. 

"I fear it is my heart that is not good."  
He heard Prof breathing louder, Oliver thought it sounded relieved, but he didn't want to get his hopes up.  
"Well love is a powerful thing..more so than the heart allows us to feel and more than the brain allows you to know."  
Oliver closed his eyes.  
"You know?"  
"Yes."  
"Are you angry?"  
"No Oliver. You made him happy for a certain amount of time, showed him what love is." 

Certain amount of time. Certain amount of time. He is not happy now? 

"Prof..you don't have to answer this, but..is he...how is he doing?"  
The answer didn't come immediately. Mr. Perlman probably had to think about what to say. 

"Isn't it amazing? How someone can break your heart and leaves you in pieces..but you still love them with every of that pieces?"  
Oliver let out a breath he didn't know he was holding. So Elio still loves him. 

Elio still loves him. 

Oliver looked at James, who was sitting close by his side, in order to hear the phone call as well. James smiled at him with such honest happiness. Oliver smiled also. He felt hope in his heart. Hope he didn't know, he could feel again.  
"Do you think..if I would come back..he would..?"  
Oliver heard the Prof letting out one of his hearty laughs.  
"He will play mad at first..you know him. But the type of love you two had is hard to hide."  
Oliver nodded. "Right."  
"So do you plan on coming back?"  
"Yes. I planned on it but I didn't know if it would be good for Elio."  
"Well I think that is his decision to make." James nudged Olivers' side. It was the same he told him the evening before. 

"You are always welcome here, you know that.", Prof added.  
"I know. I just thought that maybe after everything.."  
"What you two do out of it is your matter, Oliver. My wife and I would welcome you with open arms."  
Oliver smiled into the phone.  
"Thank you Prof."  
"Do you want me to tell Elio?", Mr. Perlman asked.  
"Yes that would be great. But maybe later when I have everything set?"  
"Later.", Prof said. Oliver laughed into the phone happily. 

"I have one last question."  
"Go ahead."  
Oliver looked at James with a grin.  
"Could I take a friend with me? He is a painter and really smart."  
James made huge eyes. Oliver knew that James was a bit jealous last year. His parents were not as wealthy as Olivers' and so he wasn't able to go out for the summer like Oliver had. So maybe this was the chance for James.  
"Oh sure sure! Any friend of yours are also ours."  
Oliver smiled again, he loved this family so much.  
"Thanks Prof. For everything."  
"No need Oliver.  
"Well then I will tell you when I booked everything?"  
"Yes Anchise can pick you up from the station."  
"Thanks Prof. Well later."  
Prof laughed again.  
"Later." 

Oliver hung up the phone and didn't move for a moment.  
"You okay?", James asked.  
"Yes I am just so happy now."  
"I can imagine. But Oliver I cannot pay for this ticket, I appreciate your efforts but.."  
"Don't be silly. I will pay for it."  
"No no you don't have to."  
"But I will. Without you I would have never done that and also Italy is a good place for a painter. I will take you there."  
James smiled brightly and hugged Oliver. "Thank you Olli."  
Oliver nodded. 

"Do you think I should write Elio?  
"Hm I am not sure if he would answer. Maybe later, a week or so before we leave?"  
"Yes thats a good idea."  
"Not to destroy the mood but when will you talk to Anne?"  
Oliver sighed.  
"I guess rather sooner than later hm?"  
James nodded.  
"I think she will understand."  
"Hopefully."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tell me what you think please! Thanks for reading :)


	7. The hard part

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oliver talks to Anne. Will she be as accepting as James?

Oliver and James had some breakfast in Oliver's apartment and talked some more about Italy. Oliver got really excited while talking about his memories and his favorite places in his favorite country ever. James was smiling at him the entire time and asked a lot of questions. He seemed really interested and excited as well. But then again James was never out of the States before and that would be his first time traveling so far. 

After breakfast James got going since he still had to do some work with a painting. James told him to call him if Oliver needed after the talk with Anne. Oliver nodded, a heavy feeling on his chest again. When he was alone again, he sat on the couch and thought about what to say to Anne. How should he explain that he fell in love with a man in Italy and will go back to him? That all these months Oliver didn't feel love for Anne? That he was still in thought of Elio and she was just his poor try to get over him? 

But things between Anne and Oliver have never been the best. The never had the best working relationship. They fought a lot and had many disagreements because they have different opinions on things and on love. But Oliver knew he had to go through with this and tell her. He wanted Elio and be with Elio. And the only way to get this is, if he would leave his old life behind. So he had to do that and just be honest for once. So he decided to call Anne. 

"Hello?"  
"Hey Anne it's me."   
"Oh hey love."   
Oliver cringed at that. No he wasn't her love. And she wasn't his.  
"When do you get off work today?"   
"Um around 4. Why?"   
"Would you come by my place afterwards?"   
He was feeling so sorry because she probably thought he just wanted to spend time with her.   
"Oh yes sure. Should I pick up some food?"   
"No, no need."   
She was silent for a bit.   
"Is everything okay Ollie? You do sound weird."   
"Just come by later yeah? I need to get going now."   
He hung up then. He knew it wasn't the most gentlemen-way but he didn't want to lie to her again.   
Oliver graded some more papers and waited until it was 4. 

At half past 4, he heard a knock on his door. Oliver was really scared for a moment. His throat was dry suddenly and he felt how he began to sweat. nevertheless he stood up and opened the door.   
She was standing there in all her beauty. Pink lips, blonde hair a nice dress on. In another life, Oliver would have been happy to have such a beautiful girl in his life. She went to kiss him but he turned his head, so she ended up just kissing his cheek. he didn't want her lips on his right now. Just wanted to get this over with. 

"Ollie..what is wrong?"   
"Come in first yeah?"   
She nodded and stepped inside. he sat on the couch and patted the seat next to him.   
She sat down with a sad look.   
He wanted to start talking, still not sure what to say. but she was quicker.   
"This is it then hm? The point you finally tell me?"   
He closed his eyes for a second.   
"I'm so sorry Anne."   
She was tearing up and looked away.   
"Just tell me."   
"I.. I fell in love in Italy."   
She let out a sob.   
"With who? Who is she?"   
Oliver was silent.   
"Oliver tell me!" 

"It is not a woman. It is a man."   
She looked at him. Shock written all over her face. Then it turned into something else. It didn't take long for Oliver to see what emotion it was. 

Disgust. 

"A man?! Is this a joke?!"   
"No it is not."   
"You are a fag?"   
He looked her with surprised eyes. He didn't take her for someone, who was really homophobic. He always thought it came from her family but she was truly different.   
"Maybe. I don't know. All I know is that I loved women before but now I love him.   
"You love him?"   
"Yes, yes I do."

"And who is that man you love huh? A farmer? A man who owns a kiosk?"   
"Anne there are educated people in Italy as well."   
She laughed her ironic laugh.   
"Sure. But not in that little place you stayed at."   
He felt the anger pooling in his chest.   
"It is the son of the Professor."   
She looked up at him again. Disgust and shock in her eyes again.   
"You love a boy?"   
"He is a man."   
"He is not! He is 17!"   
"Yet he is more an adult than most people here."   
"He is a kid!"   
Oliver was furious now. Nobody talks like that about Elio.   
"You don't know him Anne!"  
"Yes and i never want to."  
"Trust me, you won't ever meet him."   
She looked hurt for a second. 

She shook her head.   
"And now what? You leave me and then? He is in Italy or not?"   
"Yes he is and I will be there soon too."   
She looked seriously stunned for a moment.   
"You will go back to Italy to him?"   
He nodded. He was really annoyed. Yes he hurt her and yes he is leaving her but she made him sound like a creep and crazy person.   
"Oliver do you know what you are saying?"   
"Yes i know!"   
"What about your parents?"   
"I don't care what they say."   
"Oh but you will care when hey don't give you money anymore."   
Oliver rolled his eyes. God she was more like everyone else around than he thought she was.   
"I don't care about the money either."   
"You don't know what you are saying!"   
"I know what I am saying! I would leave everything behind for him. Everything." 

She laughed again.   
"Yes suddenly."   
"What?"   
"Well you came back months ago. What changed? If you love him so much, why didn't you do it in the first place? Why did you propose to me?"   
Oliver sighed.   
"It took me some time to realize I couldn't live without him. I wasn't happy Anne. All this time I wasn't happy. And I know I proposed to you and I know that was a poor move, I admit that. And I admit that I was unfair to you and treated you badly but I need to be honest to myself and live a life I want. Not one my parents fabricated for me."   
She was silent.   
"Maybe it is better to live that life your parents fabricated. You will have money and a good job. You are well educated. You studied. Oliver don't be a fool."  
"I am not a fool Anne! I found my true love and I would be a fool to leave that behind. For what? For a family that hates the real me?"   
"They won't want anything to do with you anymore if you tell them."   
"I don't care. Parents should love you for who you are. If they won't then they can gladly exclude me from their lives. I am not a marionette."   
"No. You are a pedophile." 

Oliver's heart skipped a beat at that. He felt so much anger rising in him. He wanted to scream and punch her. It took all his willpower to stay in his position. 

"Get out."   
"Excuse me?"   
"Get out Anne."   
"No I won't get out."  
"Get out before I do something I would regret."   
She looked afraid and shocked.   
"Oliver.."  
"Get the fuck out of my apartment Anne. I won't say it again."   
She looked really stunned and scared. 

Without another word, she stood up and walked towards the door.   
"I hope you now you are messing up your life right now."   
He didn't look up. Didn't want to look at her or having to talk to her. 

He heard the door opening and closing. 

Suddenly he felt wetness on his hands. He realized he was crying.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the lack of updates. I was sick.   
> Hope you enjoy this chapter. It hurt me writing this.   
> Leave a comment please :)


	8. After the storm comes happiness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oliver's mood from the moment Anne leaves to when he goes to bed later. James makes another appearance and Oliver might make peace with his decision.

Oliver sat on the couch for a very long time. He cried and cried and cried. To the point no more tears would come. He just sat there with a blank mind. 

His brain slowly started to catch up again and he was aware of his surroundings again. He didn't regret what he did, that he told her and made his decision. The only thing he regretted was, that that he had the trust in her to be gentle with him. She never accused him of anything like that. And she also never really made any homophobic remark, he always thought she was the same as him. Just acting to please her family. But apparently he was wrong. She was just as cruel and narrow-minded. He realized he was actually disappointed with her. He didn't deserve her pity or that she was just being friendly, but he did have feelings for her at one point. And now he realized for what person he had these feelings in reality. 

He was dying to speak to Elio now more than before. Just to hear his voice, let it calm him. Make him whole again, make him feel what he felt all these months ago. But that wouldn't be fair. He called him when he proposed to Anne. Now he couldn't call just to tell him he broke it all off. That wouldn't be fair to him and it would come off wrong. 

So he dialed another number instead. 

"Hello?"   
Oliver closed his eyes, his eyes swimming with tears again.   
"Oliver?"   
Oliver let a sob escape his mouth.   
James let out a sigh.   
"That bad?"   
"Yes."   
"Oh man Olli..I am so sorry."   
Oliver nodded, even if James couldn't see it.   
"Do you want me to come over?"   
"No. I just needed to talk."   
"Okay. Do you want to tell me about it?"   
"I.. I um.. she was so mad. And I know I cannot blame her for that, it was bad what I did to her. I know that. But she was so..so I don't even know a word for it."   
"God Oliver I really didn't expect that."   
"Me neither. I knew she would be mad and that she wouldn't just take it in without discussion. But she..she called me a pedophile James."   
"What?!" 

"Yes." Another sob.   
"She said I am a pedophile. But James.. I ...he..am I that?"   
"God Olli...no! You are not! He is 17..he is almost legal at least in Europe and you two were or are in love. He was willing and you were. And it was not just physical Oliver. You love his should and he loves yours. It wasn't about him being a boy you can have."   
"Really? You are not just saying that?"   
"No Oliver no! You know I am not lying to you."   
Oliver nodded again.   
"You know..it is weird. I had all these worries. That I wouldn't be able to get over it or that I would destroy him by giving in and leaving. But I never really thought about him being a boy, me being weird for liking a boy his age. It was just always about man in general or that he would be devastated afterwards."   
"I know James and that just shows how you are not what she said. Don't think about it yeah? Don't let it get to you, Oliver please."  
"Okay okay. I will try yeah." 

Oliver felt the tears spill again. But he felt better now. For some reason James always made him feel so much better.   
"Okay, sorry to bother you."   
"Oliver you are my best friend, don't be stupid."  
Oliver actually smiled at that.   
"Okay I will try and get some sleep James."  
"Okay. Feel free to call if you are feeling bad okay?"   
"Yes. i will. Thanks for your help."   
"Always mate." 

After they hung up, Oliver went to the kitchen and opened the fridge. He hadn't eaten for a few hours, so he got all the supplied out to make a sandwich. 

He took the sandwich with him to his bedroom. He changed into comfy clothes and then he got on the bed. He then ate his sandwich slowly and thought about what he just did and what was about to come. He smiled as he then realized. Oliver was happy again. Happy that he left his old life behind finally. And proud that he had the guts to do it. 

After finishing the sandwich, he got out a blank piece of paper and a pen. Then he began to write.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I thought about Oliver actually calling Elio but I think it is better that way. So they actually see each other in Italy.   
> Tell me your thoughts on the chapter please!   
> Thanks for all the comments and kudos. It really means the world to me! :)


	9. When a plan becomes reality

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oliver plans his trip and has another phone call with papa Perlman.

The following week, Oliver tried to plan as much as he could. He wanted to get to Italy as soon as possible. So he went to the head of his university to get some time off with an open end. Then he went to hirer of his apartment to inform him, he will be away for a while. The last step was to buy some tickets to Italy for James and him. 

Anne tried to call him a few times, but he didn't answer. He couldn't talk to her after what she said. He was mad and he was not going to concentrate on her now. He knew, he hurt her, but she was just another negative component in his life. One he didn't need anymore. They would never reconcile ever. Even if Elio would say no to him, he wouldn't go back to her. So he saw no use in hearing her out. So Oliver decided to concentrate on his upcoming journey and the joy he was about to have again. 

After Oliver bought the ticket, it suddenly all felt really real to him. He will actually go to Italy and break out of his life. He never felt so content and proud of himself before. He went home and called James to tell him the date and time, when they will departure. Oliver could tell James was really excited to go to Italy as well. And he was thankful that Oliver made it possible. Afterwards he wanted to call Pro and tell him about his plans as well. The date was in two weeks after all and he wanted them to know as soon as possible when they would have guests. Elio would have vacation during that time, meaning the Perlmans were staying at the villa. 

"Pronto?"  
"It is me."   
"Oliver. Hello hello.", he said joyfully.   
Oliver smiled.   
"How are things?"   
"Well well. We just arrived a couple days ago."   
"Oh nice to hear. I miss the villa a lot."   
The professor chuckled into the phone.   
"Well you will see it again soon, right?"   
He said it as a playful question, but Oliver could tell there was some seriousness to the question as well. He was worried that Oliver changed his mind.   
"Yes indeed! That is actually why I called you." 

"Oh! Tell me then."   
"I have tickets and I solved everything here as far as I can."   
"Ahh it is music to my ears.", Pro said.   
"When will you arrive then Oliver?"   
"Our flight is in two weeks. 15th of october."   
"Very well. We are excited to welcome you back. With your friend."   
Oliver smiled.   
We. 

We are excited. 

He knew Elio doesn't know yet, but he was still happy to hear that. 

"Yes James is very excited, too. He doesn't speak of anything else lately."   
Prof laughed again.   
"Italy is a wonderful place. Especially the first time you visit."   
"Indeed.", Oliver said with a melancholic tone.   
"What time will your train arrive at the station?"   
"Around 5."   
"Good. Anchise will pick you two up then."   
"Thank you Pro."   
"No need."   
There was a break then. 

"He will be happy to see you. He won't admit it, but it is the truth."   
Oliver smiled sadly. He wished Elio would run into his arms, when he came to Italy. But that wouldn't happen, after what he did to him.   
"I hope so."   
"Shall I tell him you will come or do you want to do that yourself?"   
Oliver thought about it. If he wrote him a letter or tell him on the phone, Elio would have the chance to tell him no.   
To tell him, he doesn't need to come because it will be no use. And to be honest Oliver wasn't sure, he could accept that and live with that. He knew he had no right to keep himself save, but he still wanted to. In order to give them a chance. 

"I think you maybe should tell him. So it isn't such big surprise to him. I am not sure if it will be a positive or a negative one for him."   
Prof just hummed.   
"Very well then. I will tell him a few days before you arrive."   
"Thanks."   
"Oh about your friend. Do you think he would mind to sleep in the attic if we make it bit more beautiful?"   
Oliver thought back about what Elio and him did up there. 

"I can sleep there. Give him the room."   
"Are you sure?"   
"Yes."   
Oliver cannot sleep in this bed alone. In the bed, he shared with Elio. Where he had sex with him. Was in love with him. Read to him. No he can't sleep in it alone, if Elio won't accept his apology. Especially with him just sleeping a door away from him.   
"Okay. We will make it comfortable with a bed and all."   
"Its okay Pro. Even if I have to sleep on the floor on that mattress. You welcome me back. I couldn't ask for more."   
"And you don't. But we will give it to you anyways.  
Oliver chuckled.   
Thank you."  
"Yes yes. Enough with the thank yous."   
"Okay okay. Sorry. Later then?"   
"Later." 

They hung up and Oliver had the biggest smile on his face. He was so happy. He will be back at the villa. Back with the family he never had. Back with Elio. He couldn't wait. 

Oliver's phone rang again. He thought it was Pro, who forgot to ask something. 

He quickly picked it up. "Did you forget anything?"   
"I think you did, my son. To tell us you called your engagement off."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I think the next chapter will be Oliver going on the plane and arriving in Italy. So we will have a two week time jump. But my question for you..do you want the convo between papa Perlman and Elio? Where he tells Elio about Oliver coming? Or do you want Elio to make the first appearance, when Oliver arrives? I can't decide haha  
> As always I am happy about every comment and Kudo! Thank you :)


	10. Mixture of all the feels

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oliver and James go to the airport and have a little talk there before the flight.

"Mother."   
"Oliver what is this supposed to be? You called it all off without telling us?! Why would you do that?!"  
"Because I know that you wouldn't approve."   
"Oh so you still have some sense left huh?"   
"Mother I don't want to do this now."   
"Do what?"   
"Talk to you about it."   
"Oliver! We will talk about it now. No discussion."   
Oliver just sighed. He knew this would happen sooner or later, but he didn't want to deal with it now.   
"You hurt Anne. She is crying the whole time, do you know that? And now you are just ignoring her and won't react to her calls. Oliver I really cannot believe you."   
"Mum please."  
"No! And you want to know something else? She told us the reason, Oliver. You are a fag now or what? How could you just use this situation for getting a boy to..."

Oliver hang up. He couldn't bare to listen to this. He wouldn't get his experience destroyed by his mum. He was done with them She didn't even listen him out. Her own son. She didn't care for his feelings 

How could Anne tell them? She knows how they would react. God he was so mad.   
His mum tried to call again, but he simply didn't accept the call. She called again and again, until Oliver plugged his phone out. 

Relieved he continued packing his bags from the day before. He packed a lot more than the last time, wanting to be prepared to be in Italy for a while if things go well. His closet looked so empty right now. But Oliver couldn't be happier about it. He hoped Elio would want to wear his clothes again. He really enjoyed that the last time. 

(Two week jump) 

Oliver was waiting in his loft for the cab to arrive. It would bring him to the airport. He couldn't be more excited. Finally the time was here. He would actually go back and be in Italy again. In the villa. In Crema. With Elio 

The cab arrived and the driver got out to help Oliver with his bags. He thanked him and gave him the address of James. While driving Oliver looked out of the car window. He really loved New York and he would miss it in any other situation. But he wouldn't miss it one bit, while being in Italy. Home is, where Elio is. New York didn't feel like home for a while now. 

Finally they picked up James and together they drove to the airport. 

"Are you happy?", James asked.   
"More than you could imagine.", Oliver answered.   
James smiled at him.   
"I'm glad. I cannot wait to meet Elio and his parents. You talked so highly about them, I am excited to meet them in person."   
Oliver smiled, also happy to meet everybody again.   
"You will like them and you will like it in Italy."   
"I'm sure I will." 

They drove the rest in silence. James could tell Oliver wasn't really in a talkative mood.   
When they arrived at the airport, Oliver fidgeted in his seat. He can't believe he is actually doing this. This is the craziest thing, he ever did in his life. 

"It is going to be okay man.", James said.   
Oliver nodded unsurely. 

They got out and tipped the driver.   
Oliver stood in front of the airport with his bags and breathed in and out a few times with closed eyes. He was so anxious, like never before.   
"C'mon lets go in.", James said.   
"Yep lets go." 

They went inside and searched for their check-in point and their gate. After they checked in, they had a little snack, although Oliver barely ate anything. He thought about Elio's reaction again. Would he be happy? Sad? Mad? Angry? Crying? He hoped happy, but he guessed it would be a mixture between sad and mad. And Oliver could understand. If it would be the other way around and Elio went to Marzia or someone else, he would burst with anger. He would be so devastated. But Elio wouldn't do that, because he was feeling with his whole heart and so strongly. And he wasn't as afraid of feelings as Oliver. that was something Oliver always admired about him. 

He caught James' look on him.   
"Sorry. I just can't stop thinking about it."   
"It as him?"   
Oliver chuckled and nodded.   
"Olli I know we don't know what will happen. But you are going back to him. That is all that counts or not? You made your decision and you are doing what you believe in. And even if he doesn't want you back, you can say, you were bold and for once did what you wanted to."  
Oliver thought about his words and realized they were true.   
"You are right. I won't know what will happen, no matter how long I think about it."   
"Right."   
"So what about you? Are you scared to fly?"  
James looked down.   
"A bit. But I am so excited. I will actually travel somewhere outside of the States. And Italy is a dream for any artist. Thanks again."   
"No need James I told you already. I am happy I can do this for you."   
"Did your mum call again?"   
"Don't know. I plugged my phone out."   
James laughed at that.   
"Damn. Who are you and what did you do to my best friend?"   
Oliver laughed.   
"He fell in love."   
James smiled at him. 

When it was time, they went to their gate. Soon they were seated in their plane. Oliver let James sit by the window, since it was his first ever flight. James looked outside as they started and was all excited.   
Oliver was sitting in his seat, feeling such a Déjà-vu from last year. It was insane. he was sitting on a plane to Italy again. Last year he was excited to go abroad to finish his studies. He was in no way prepared for what actually happened in Italy. For falling in love with Elio and having to leave him behind. 

Now he was going back to his love. But again, in no way prepared for what would happen, because he simply didn't know.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys.   
> So I didn't do the Elio and papa talk, because you wanted Elio coming up when Oliver arrives in Italy. So that is what we are doing.   
> I am on vacation at the moment, so updates might be a bit slow. But I will try to update a lot. Bare with me :)   
> Tell me what you think will happen in Italy? :)


	11. The flight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oliver and James arrive in Italy.

The whole flight Oliver sat and looked out of the window. He was thinking about a million things. Million ways of how this could go. Million things of what Elio could say. Million things of what could happen in a week. Would they be back together? Or would Elio hate him and tell him to leave and never come back? 

Oliver looked over to James a few times, he was sleeping for most of the flight. And if not, he was reading a book. One Oliver didn't know. It was a love story, he could tell that from the cover. But Oliver didn't really read love stories. He then looked down at his watch. 

2 more hours to go.  
2 more hours until they landed. 

2 hours seemed not a lot. But for Oliver it was. Even a minute was too long. He just wanted to be there now. Be with him. See how he would react. What he would do. He just wanted to know now and not keep asking himself, what would happen. 

After 15 more minutes Oliver got out his own book. But he really couldn't focus on anything. Then he tried to fall asleep, but he also couldn't do that. He huffed out annoyed. James looked up from his book.  
"What is it with you?"  
Oliver gave him a look, like `Really?'  
"Okay sorry sorry. Dumb question. But seriously man. You are annoying as hell. Please just sit still."  
Oliver rolled his eyes.  
"I can't change it. I am restless and I can't get my mind off things."  
"Well understandable. I would be the same if I were you. But Olli, it doesn't help anything."  
"I know that."  
"Try to sleep. You need to be well rested."  
"I already did and it is not working."  
"That's because you already think that it is not working."  
Oliver rolled his eyes again, but he knew James was actually right. 

So Oliver leaned his head back and tried to get some sleep in his system. James was right, he needed to be rested. Last time he went to Italy, he was so tired after he arrived. he couldn't be as tired this time. 

Oliver was awoken by James gently waking him up.  
"We are almost there man."  
James was excited.  
Oliver was not sure what he felt like.  
Scared, nervous, excited,unknowing...the list goes on. 

5 minutes later the plane landed and Oliver was stepping out into the Italian weather. It felt good to be back here. The country that made him so happy and that made him realize things. And who he is.  
"We need to take the train now. C'mon.", he said to James.  
"Okay." James followed him to the train station and together they bought tickets and took the next train.  
"So the gardener will pick us up, right?"  
"Yes Anchise. he is really nice, a true Italian. He takes such good and long care of all the trees the Perlmans have. Like the..", Oliver stopped mid sentence.  
"The?"  
"The peach trees."  
James looked at him with a confused look.  
"And you have a fond smile on your face because..of..the peach trees?" Damn you are more gone for that place than I thought."  
Oliver had to laugh at that. James had no idea why he was laughing so much. Why he had such fond memories of the peaches.  
And he couldn't tell him because that was one detail that he would never share with anybody. It was such an intimate moment between Elio and him. It was sacred in his heart.  
"Okay not weird at all.", James said. 

Oliver and James were on the train, just talking. James asked him another twenty questions about Italy and the Perlmans. But soon it was time to get off and their stop arrived. 

Oliver felt so nervous inside, as if Elio was waiting for him now, and not Anchise. It felt good to be back, but also very very weird. Like he arrived at his home after being away for 40 years.  
"We need to get off now."  
"Okay man."  
They packed their stuff back in their backpacks and then went to the doors of the train.  
When the train stopped and the doors opened, Oliver suddenly felt so relieved. Just to be here was enough for him right now. No matter what Elio will say, he was back. And he tried his best to get what he wanted. He fought for himself and for his life. 

When they stepped outside, Oliver spotted the light blue car. He stopped for a second and just took the image in. He felt so happy.  
They went over to the car and Anchise got out to help them with their luggage.  
As usual the little man didn't speak a lot, but gave Oliver one of his smirks and nodded at James. 

All men sat down in the car. Antes in the front, Oliver and James in the back. The whole car ride, Oliver looked out of the window. Looked over the landscape and the little town. It was just beautiful and breathtaking. He didn't know how he was ever supposed to go back to New York. Italy was just so much more beautiful. 

They were now on the street, that lead to the villa. Oliver would recognize it any time. He felt James' eyes on him, but he didn't look back at him. Feeling way too emotional to look at anyone right now.  
There was the villa. His home for the previous summer. The place he met and loved Elio. The place he could not forget.  
"Is that it?", James asked.  
Oliver nodded.  
James smiled widely.  
When they arrived in front of it and Anchise stopped the car, Oliver saw the Permans standing outside, waiting for him.  
But just the parents, no sight of Elio.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the lack of updates, but I was on a vacation. :)  
> Next chapter will be first appearance of Elio! OMG who is as excited?!


	12. Oliver's mess of feelings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oliver is a disappointed and is a bit confused about his feelings. Will he get his strength back?

James looked over at Oliver with a look of pity on his face. Oliver's heart broke a little more at that. Elio was not here. Where is he? Why wasn't he here? Didn't they tell him? Or didn't he want to meet him again?

Oliver and James stepped out of the car and Anchise got to the trunk to get their bags. When Oliver finally stood in front of the Perlman's, he gave them a fake smile. he was sure, they could tell as much, but he was just too sad to act like everything was okay. Pro hugged him and patted his shoulders. He had his usual happy smile on his face. Oliver had missed the man so much. He then went over to Mama Perlman. Meanwhile James went over to Pro and shook his hand. 

As he was hugging Elio's mum, she turned her mouth towards his ear. 

"He left early in the morning." 

Oliver was thankful that she told him. But that also means, Elio didn't want to see him. For sure they told them, Oliver would come today.  
She gave him a sad look and he just nodded and looked at the floor. 

They went inside and Oliver was greeted by Mafalda. She was really happy to see him again, Oliver could tell. She told him about some recipes she wanted to try and some new spices she got on the market yesterday morning. Oliver tried to act like he was interested, which he probably would have been under different circumstances. But he had a hard time even listening to her. His whole body hurt. He felt like he was on fire and his body was burning. He hated this feeling. Everything. 

Pro told both men to go and rest a bit and settle in. Oliver offered to show James his room. He stopped at the doorstep though. he just couldn't bear to go inside the room and be in it. In the same room he spent so much time with Elio. With him in person. With him in his head. In his arms. In his bed. 

His body ached. 

Afterwards he went to his own "room". But honestly it wasn't better. Sure the Perlman's tried to make the attic more beautiful and more comfortable for someone to live in. But he also held some of his best memories from this very room in his heart. Memories that now seemed to stay just that. Memories. Oliver sat down on the bed they put in the room. He sat there and felt empty. Just empty. With nothing left. 

Then he felt the tears springing to his eyes. His vision got blurry. The tears fell on the ground under him. He didn't reach up to wipe them away nor did he try to stop them. There would be no use. He messed the best thing up he ever had in his life. Tears would be a constant thing, Oliver would have to live with now. 

He looked over to where the old mattress played in the corner the summer before. The very mattress he sucked of Elio. The very mattress Elio told him he didn't want him to go. That he opened up for Oliver. Showed him his most insecure side. He cried in front of him. Something Oliver couldn't have done. He was close to crying when they parted at the train station. Also when he watched Elio sleep in their little room in Rome. But he couldn't. He didn't cry in front of someone for years before that. He had to smile at the memories. Maybe that was part why he loved Elio so much. because he trusted him with his feelings. Showed him that it was okay to be vulnerable. 

But maybe..maybe he wouldn't have to live with the tears. No. he would try. He would try harder than he ever had for anything. He wiped his eyes with his hands. Wiped away the tears, the evidence of him giving up for a moment. But no. He wouldn't do that. He would never give up on Elio. Even if he didn't want to see him right now, Oliver would change his mind. He decided to lay on the bed, but to stay up and listen for any signs that Elio came home. 

 

2 hours later 

Oliver was being waken up by a door being slammed shut. 

Elio. Was Oliver's first thought. Was he here finally? Would he see his face again? 

Oliver got up and went over to his suitcase. He packed a bottle of the same shampoo he used last summer. Oliver actually switched the one he used after he was back in America, but he decided to bring one of them back with him. Elio had told him he loved his smell. So he wanted to smell like the Oliver he knows. With the bottle he went over to the little bathroom, that was next to his room. He stripped his clothes and then stepped into the shower. The warm water poured over his back and he felt his body relax a little bit. 

He opened the bottle and poured bit in his hands. The smell brought him back to all the memories he had in his heart. Memories of Elio sniffing his hair. Memories of Elio sometimes using his shampoo to have the smell with him all the time. 

After the shower, he went through the clothes he packed. He wanted to look good. Although he knew Elio wasn't in for the looks, he still wanted to look like the shining American boy everyone saw in him last summer. He wanted to glow. He decided for a pair of his very short shorts. The yellow ones, he wore the day Elio played on the guitar and the piano for him. He paired it with a large shirt, that he left unbuttoned at the top. Elio would be able to see his chest. The very same chest he kissed a million of times. The chest he came on. The chest he kissed his way down. 

Now it was time to do his hair a bit. He stepped back into the little room and brushed his hair and tried to tame it a bit. He then sprayed on his favorite cologne, which was of course also Elio's favorite. He smiled into the mirror. Elio would be in awe hopefully. Brought back to old memories as well. Suddenly Oliver heard the bell ring. 

Quickly he walked down the stairs, meeting James on the way. James gave him a look. Oliver just chuckled and blushed a little bit. This was not exactly how he walked around in the States. They went down together. Oliver felt his heart pounding in his chest. Maybe Elio wouldn't even be there? But he has to eat. And he was sure if he actually cam back, his parents wouldn't allow him to leave again. It would be rather rude. 

Oliver walked over to the table outside, James following him. 

Oliver looked up from the floor, standing in front of the table. 

No sight of Elio.  
Oliver felt heartbroken once again. The disappointment crawling up his veins. Him and James sat down though. 

Once again Oliver tried to not act out on his real feelings. But then his eyes landed on the place that was set up. But nobody sat there now. So Elio had a seat indeed. That means he would come right? 

Then Oliver heard steps approaching the table.


	13. First meeting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Elio joins the dinner table. What will happen?

Olivers heart was beating like crazy. Is that him? is that Elio? His Elio? His Oliver? 

The steps came nearer and nearer. Oliver wasn’t able to look up yet. But then the steps stopped and Oliver knew, whoever it was, was standing in front of the table now. Out of his eyes, he saw James looking up and then looking at Oliver. 

Now he was sure. It was him. Oliver was scared. The moment was finally here. For real this time. He closed his eyes for a second and then breathed in deeply. With one last breath, he dared to lift his eyes towards the front. 

There he was. Looking as good as ever. He was wearing those light blue jeans, he wore once to dinner. With it, he wore a simple black sweater. It was a bit too big for him and Oliver wondered if it was actually Elio’s or someone elses. He quickly neglected the thought. Elio looked so cute, Oliver wanted to stand up and just cuddle him, hold him in his arms and let him sit on his lap. And his hair. It looked a bit longer and curled up a bit more. But it still looked so soft and glowing, Oliver wanted to roam his hands through it. 

Oliver’s eyes met Elio’s. He was actually looking at him. Oliver smiled. „Elio.“, he said with the softest voice.  
„Oliver.“, Elio greeted him with a nod and then adverted his look away from him. He came around the table, brushing his mothers shoulder with on of his hands. Oliver wished it was his. Then he sat down on his seat, next to his father. In front of him sat James. 

Oliver still stared at Elio, taking him in. He was so relieved to see him again. He wished for that for months now and finally he got it. Elio was so beautiful. Like a piece of art. His face, his skin, his body and his whole existence was just beautiful. Oliver couldn’t understand how something so amazing could exist in the world. And also why he of all people had the chance to meet him and actually be loved by him. Or was? 

But Elio didn’t look back at hi. Not once. Oliver felt sad and rejected. It was similiar to the feeling he had the morning after their first love-making. He hated to not be recognized by Elio. But maybe the other man knew? Maybe he was doing it on purpose? That would be very much like Elio. Playing like he simply didn’t care and acting like Oliver wasn’t even there, because he knew how much it would hurt him. Elio knew Oliver. He was probably the only person that does. But he does. 

After a while though, Elio looked up from his food again. But he didn’t look at Oliver. No. He looked at James.  
Elio gave him a smile, one of his real smiles, not the fake one.  
„You must be James?“  
James was a bit surprised at the sudden contact between them. He gave Oliver a side glance, probably feeling bad for being spoken to, when that was all Oliver wanted.  
„Yes I am. Nice to meet you.“  
„Likewise.“  
James smiled at him very slightly, not wanting to be rude. James looked down at his food again, trying to get out of the situation.  
„My dad told me you are a painter?“, Elio asked further.  
Oliver looked at Elio in disbelief. He could just ignore him, but talk to his friend? Why was he interested in what he does? It should be Oliver he was interested in. But maybe he was just playing again? He knew it would hurt Oliver.  
„Um yes.“  
„Where did you study? In New York?“  
„Yes. The Academy of Arts actually.“  
Elio made huge eyes at that. And even if before Elio acted, this look was real. He was impressed, Oliver could tell.  
„That is very impressive. You must be good then.“  
James smiled happily. He was always happy, when someone acknowledged his efforts and accomplishments.  
„Well I am not so sure.“ 

Elio smiled.  
„Well we always think we are not good enough. But I think more than often we actually are. We just don’t see it until a certain point.“  
Oliver listened to those words. Were they directed to him? Did Elio want to tell him, that he was good enough and Oliver was just too stupid to see?  
„Maybe you are right.“, James said after a minute.  
„You could show me your art some time while you are here. I will give you my opinion then.“  
James nodded. A confused look on his face. Oliver had a similar look. What was Elio playing at? Was he just interested or did he want to hurt Oliver? It was highly possible he was just interested. He had a huge interest in arts after all. But it was still odd he acted like that in front of Oliver. 

He was doing it on purpose, Oliver was sure now. But it still hurt him. He thought maybe Elio would at least look at him with a hidden desire or sadness. But there was nothing. Elio could play his role well. Or wasn’t it a role? 

Oliver looked down again on his plate. He was sad, but he reminded himself of his decision from earlier. He wanted to fight, so that is what he would do. Fight. He would try to get back at Elio. Try to lure him out. He did it before, maybe he can do it again. Maybe he just had to act more like last summer. More like the unreachable person. 

Oliver started a conversation with Pro and James was getting himself into it as well, probably to avoid another round of questions from Elio. After dessert was served and ate, Oliver looked at Pro. 

„Excuse me. I will go out and rewind old times.“ He gave Pro a true smile.  
Pro nodded.  
„Very well. Do that.“  
„Do you want me to go with you?“, James asked quietly.  
At that Oliver saw Elio moving his head upwards for a second.  
Jealous. He was jealous now. He thought about why James would ask him that. Maybe he thought there was something between them? But god Oliver wouldn’t be so cruel to bring him here then. Elio must think lower of him, than he thought. 

„If you want. I can show you around a bit more.“  
Elio looked at James now, probably wanting to see his reaction.  
James nodded.  
„Sure. I would love to see more.“  
Elio was still looking at James. His eyes were piercing. He was trying to suppress his feelings.  
„Great. Lets go then.“  
James and Oliver stood up and Oliver nodded at all of them.  
„Well, later.“  
The parents laughed.  
Elio looked at his plate, a different look on his face now. Oliver would say it was sadness, but maybe that was more wishful thinking.  
Oliver wasn’t sure, why he let James come with him. maybe he liked that Elio was maybe jealous. Because that means he cares. But was this the right thing to do? To give Elio the impression there was something between them?  
„Later.“, Pro said  
Suddenly Elio stood up from the table and said something in Italian. His mother nodded at him and gave him a friendly smile. Elio started to walk towards the house. 

Oliver was not sure what to think of that. Where was Elio going? Why did he stood up? Couldn’t he bear it anymore? Or was he annoyed? What did he say?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh guys this is getting more intense. I have no idea what will happen next but we will see hahaha


	14. Woo him

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> James tells Oliver to try and woo Elio back. Oliver takes his first step in that direction.

Pro told Oliver and James to take the books on not walk because it would take ages to get anywhere. They happily agreed and were now riding their bikes through the fields. Oliver was silent.   
"I am sorry that he didn't speak to you, but to me."   
"No need. Wasn't your fault."   
"Yeah but I still felt bad."   
"Don't worry about it."   
"Oliver you are clearly upset. I know this isn't how you imagined it."   
"I don't even know what I imagined. The situation that he would just come back in my arms was always just a hope. It could never be that easy."   
James sighed.   
"And what will you do now?"   
"I have no idea."   
They rode their bikes a bit longer without talking.   
"Maybe you should try to woo him."   
"And how am I supposed to do that? He doesn't even talk to me."   
"I am sure you can think of something Oliver. Just think really hard. Something will come to your mind."   
Oliver looked at James from his bike. What should he think of? 

After a while, they came by a flower field. Oliver watched over the beautiful flowers in the slowly darkening air. They looked beautiful. Suddenly he thought of something. He hopped of his bike and went over to the field. James watched him in surprise, but also stopped riding.   
"Is that some place you know?"   
"No.", Oliver said shortly.   
"Then what are we doing here?"

Oliver didn't answer, just looked around and then started to pick some flowers up. James smiled from afar and then went of his bike as well. He went over to Oliver and showed him some flowers he thought were beautiful. Oliver nodded and picked them up as well. After a few minutes, they had put a beautiful bouquet of gorgeous flowers together. Oliver smiled down at it.   
"Enough wooing for you?"   
"For starters.", James said.   
"Nobody dislikes flowers."   
Oliver smiled at James. He didn't know, if Elio likes flowers that much, or if he cared, if anyone got him them. But he sure hoped so. It was probably the first time Elio would receive flowers from someone. So that would be another first. Oliver was happy to be that for Elio. He just hoped Elio was too. 

They rode their bikes an hour or so further. Then they headed back to the villa. When they were leaning their bikes against the wall, Oliver saw a figure down at the stones at the shore. He spend a lot of evenings there, thinking about Elio. About his desires. 

Was it Elio? Was he sitting, where Oliver used to sit? 

They passed the little table, Elio is always transcribing his music on. There were still some notes and a half empty glass of water. So Elio had his things still out here. The person down at the shore must be him. Oliver wished nothing more, than to go down there and spend some time with his love, but it wouldn't be a good idea now. 

Instead, he picked a flower out of the bouquet and put it onto the notes. James chuckled. 

Oliver and James went to James' room. James entered Elio's "room", to check he really wasn't there. When he was sure that Elio was not there, he winked Oliver in. Oliver came in and placed the flowers on Elio's bed. Then he wen tot his desk and wrote a note. 

"Sweet dreams my world." 

They silently left the room and Oliver trotted back to his own room. He stayed awake, trying to hear, when Elio would climb the stairs. 

He fell asleep before that. 

And if Elio fell asleep with flowers clutched to his chest and tears falling down his chest, nobody knows.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The idea came really spontaneously haha hope you like it! Tell me your ideas for this fic :)


	15. A daisy and a piano

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oliver finds something on breakfast- plate.

When Oliver woke up the next morning, he felt oddly satisfied. He didn‘t sleep well at all, but he woke up with a certain happiness. He made the first step. Maybe the flowers would change Elio‘s attitude at least a little bit. Oliver turned around and looked at the watch on his nightstand. With shock and surprise, he realized it was already 10 am. Usually his body woke him at 7 or 8. It was probably the jet lag and all that. Oliver decided to take a quick shower since he was now late anyways. 

After his shower, Oliver went downstairs to have some breakfast. He knew everyone probably had breakfast already but Mafalda wouldn‘t put it away, until everyone had eaten. When Oliver stepped outside of the villa, he saw the breakfast table in fact still set. He looked around for his seat and spotted it. His seat was the only one still there, meaning James probably had breakfast with the Perlman‘s. But then Oliver‘s eyes fell upon it. 

There was a single flower on his plate. Oliver felt excitement pooling in his chest. He quickly went to his seat and there was indeed a note with the flower. Oliver sat down on his stool and tried to prepare himself for every possibility. But deep inside, he knew he could never prepare himself, if Elio rejected him. But the flower was a good sign right? 

Oliver picked up the flower, a daisy it was. But as he picked it up, just the stalk was in his hand. Surprised he looked down at his plate. The little petals were on it still. So Elio picked them off and out them around the stalk? He picked up the note. 

„Let‘s guess.“ 

That was all that was written on it. Oliver understood now. It was a reference to the little game people played. Picking up the petals to see if that special someone was in love with you. Why did Elio decided to do that? Did he want to play with Oliver? Let Oliver guess, if Elio was in love with him? But he said „let‘s“, meaning both of them. So what? Was that Elio telling Oliver he was maybe not in love with him? Or was he? Oliver felt more confused than ever. He scooped up the pieces of the flower and put them in his napkin. He quickly drowned an egg, already prepared by Mafalda, and one glass of apricot juice. He saw there were peaches in the fruit bowl. Oliver had to laugh at that. Also he felt a spark, because Elio saw them as well. 

„Oh Oliver finally.“, Mafalda greeted him.   
„Oh good morning Mafalda.“   
She nodded.   
„Do you perhaps know where my friend is?“   
„He is back by the pool.“   
His paradise. James was apparently soaking up some sun then.   
„Grazie!“   
She nodded at him again. 

Oliver quickly grabbed the napkin, stood up and walked towards the pool. James layed in the sun on the grass. He had his eyes closed.   
„James!“   
Oliver saw James‘ body twitch.   
James‘ eyes snapped open.   
„God warn a man!“   
Oliver chuckled.   
„Sorry man!“   
Oliver sat down next to James.   
„You slept long.“, James said.   
„Yeah yeah. Are you Mafalda 2?“   
James chuckled.   
Oliver got the napkin out.   
„Look at this!“   
James sat up and looked at the napkin.   
„What is that supposed to be? Why did you kill the poor flower?“   
„That wasn‘t me you fool. It was him.“   
„Elio?“   
„Yes.“   
„Where was it?“   
„On my plate with this note.“   
James read it out loud, Oliver wished he hadn‘t.   
„Interesting. He wants to make you suffer then hm?“   
Oliver thought about that. Was it that?   
„You think he wants me to question if he loves me or not?“   
„I guess so. There is no other explanation right?“   
„I wish there was.“   
Oliver chuckled.   
„Me too. For you.“   
Oliver smiled slightly.   
„Well what do I do now?“   
James shrugged.   
„You had an idea last time. You will have one now. Just lay down and think about it.“   
Oliver sighed.   
„Okay yeah. I need to brush my teeth first though.“   
James nodded in acknowledgment and layed down again. 

Oliver quickly put the napkin back together and went up to his room.   
He put the napkin as it was in his suitcase. He needed to keep it. It was from Elio after all. Then he brushed his teeth and changed into a bathing suit. The green one. 

He stepped down the stairs, when he heard the piano. 

His blood rushed towards his heart. He felt his heart itself speeding up. He felt the sweat breaking through his pores. 

Elio. Playing the piano. His favorite sound. 

He silently took the last few steps and then peeked in the room. There he sat. With a t shirt and shorts. Playing his beautiful music. Oliver stood there and listened for a while. 

That was before he realized that this was his chance. A moment alone with Elio. Silently again, he stepped into the room. Elio of course heart him. Knowing the sounds of the house more than anyone. 

He turned his had to the side, just enough to see who was standing there. Oliver expected him to stop playing or shout or leave. But Elio simply turned back around and continued to play. Oliver wondered what that meant? Was he welcomed? Or did Elio simply not care? 

Oliver sat down on the couch and listened. After the piece was finished he decided to spoke up.   
„I missed hearing you play.“   
Elio tensed visibly at him speaking up.   
Then he let out and ironic little laugh.   
„You didn‘t have to.“   
Olivet nodded to himself.  
„True.“   
Elio didn‘t say anything further and also didn’t turn around.   
„Listen Elio I..“  
„Can you leave me alone?“, Elio asked.   
Oliver was stunned for a minute. No, no this was his chance. His moment.   
„Elio.“   
„I need to practice and you are distracting me from it. So please leave.“   
„And if I just sit here and listen? I promise to not say a word.“   
Elio didn‘t answer for a while.   
„If you can handle it.“, was his short answer.   
Oliver felt relieved. Elio allowed him to stay. To listen. He was in a room with Elio.   
But what did he mean he was distracting him? With his voice? Or with his presence? What did he mean? And he said please. He was not rude or angry. 

Whatever it was, Oliver was just happy to spend some time with Elio.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let's just pretend there is no wind and the pieces of the flowers stayed on the plate! Haha hope you like this chapter :) First kind of Oliver/Elio contact whoop whoop


	16. Books are the way to the heart?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oliver gets another something for Elio.

Oliver sat there for a while, just listening to Elio playing the piano. 

After about 30 minutes, Elio stopped playing. But he remained on his seat and looked at his notes. Oliver wasn't sure, if he actually worked or if he just acted busy. 

"Are you done?"  
"With playing yes."  
Oliver nodded, but he didn't understand. With playing yes? With what not?  
"Can we talk maybe?" 

Elio did not turn around and he did not even pause. He just simply said it: 

"No."  
"Why?"  
"You don't get to ask me why."  
"Elio."  
"No. It is my answer. You have to accept it." 

Now he was just playing around. He pushed Oliver. Oliver's answer was "no.", when he left him. Of course it wasn't spoken out directly, but Oliver never planned on staying behind for Elio or stay with him. He just simply said no and expected Elio to accept it. Gave him no other choice. 

"What can I do?"  
Elio sighed.  
"Nothing."  
"There has to be something."  
"But there isn't. For once, you don't get an answer." 

With that Elio stood up and left the room. 

Oliver felt more saddened than ever. Elio let Oliver listen, but he still did not want anything to do with him. He wouldn't let him back in his life. And the worst thing was, that it didn't even seem like he was just acting. No. No it was like Elio was sure of his opinion. Of the fact, that he didn't want anything with Oliver anymore. Like he was over him. That broke Oliver. Deep.  
But why would he even react at all? If he didn't care, he could have just ignored the flowers and do nothing. But he put the flower on his plate and he let him listen. 

No. No Oliver wouldn't give up that quickly. He would try again and again. He didn't care, if he would annoy Elio or not. He was sure that Elio couldn't be over him already. their connection was way too deep for that. He was head over heels, just like Oliver. There still must be feelings inside of Elio. 

Oliver decided to head into town. He got dressed in a shirt and other pants upstairs and went downstairs. He saw that both bikes were still leaned against the wall. Meaning both James and Elio were still around the house. James. Maybe he should ask him, if he wants to come with him and not leave him alone. 

Oliver rounded the corner and walked up to James.  
"Hey James."  
James opened his eyes slowly, the sun blinding him.  
"Mhm?"  
"I'm heading into town. Do you want to come along?"  
James thought about it for a second.  
"Yeah why not? Can't lie around all day, right?"  
Oliver chuckled.  
"Give me a minute to get dressed okay?"  
"Sure take your time."  
James went inside the villa. 

In the meantime Oliver paced around the garden. He looked around. God how he had missed this place. It was more beautiful, than anything he had ever seen. Oliver then looked up to the sky. It was clear from clouds. Oliver smiled. When he let his eyes fall to the floor again, something moving caught his eye. But when he looked up to the window of "his" attic, there was nothing there. Wow, now Oliver was already seeing things. He was getting crazy. In that moment James came downstairs and together they went to the bikes. 

It was weird to Oliver to bike to Crema without Elio by his side. Last summer he would have either went alone or with Elio. But James didn't speak much, so it was alright.  
When they arrived, they stopped in front of the little shop, where Oliver always got his cigarettes. He quickly went inside and bought those same ones now.  
"So anything special we are getting?", James asked, as Oliver came back to him.  
"Yeah we will go in the book shop."  
"For him?"  
"Yeah. All i do seems to be for him huh?"  
James just chuckled.  
"Actually yes." 

They went inside the book store, and Oliver started to look around. He wanted to get some books for Elio. He knew what kind of books he liked and what books were his favorite and a few, which he always wanted to read, but didn't yet. The fact that Oliver knows about these things made him realize once again, how good their thing was.  
After a while (an hour) Oliver found a book, which he knew Elio always wanted to read and one that Oliver read himself and thought it would be good for Elio as well. James himself found two books as well. He liked historical books, so he went with those. 

Oliver payed for the books, and asked the shop owner to wrap them up as presents. He got the two items packed in a nice blue wrapping paper with a bow on top. One in silver and one in golden. "My golden boy.", Oliver thought.  
"Do you want to get anything else?", James asked.  
"No. I don't need to. Do you want to look at anything?"  
"There is this painting shop over there."  
"Sure let's go in then."  
They shopped in there for a little while. James picked up multiple things from the shop. Then they took a coffee and then got going again. It was afternoon by now, ad they rode their bikes back in the nice, still warm, afternoon sun. 

When they got back, Mafalda and Mama Perlman were already preparing the dining table. Elio sat in one of the stools and they all talked in Italian. 

"Ohhh there you are!", Mama Perlman said, she was the first one to spot them coming.  
Elio looked up from his seat. But he avoided Oliver's eyes.  
"You missed tea time.", Mafalda said.  
"That's okay. We had a coffee."  
"You were in town then?", Mama P. asked.  
Oliver saw Elio looking away. There was this almost sad look again.  
"Yeah. Picked up a few things."  
"Good, good."  
Oliver looked at Elio. His eyes scanned the bags they had in their hands. He looked from James to Oliver and then from Oliver to James. There was a sudden change in his mood. Oliver could see it, because he knew him well enough.  
There was a slight change in his eyes and his shoulders sunk together. He quickly looked down, almost to hide his eyes. Oliver felt panicked. "What caused this? Why was Elio suddenly so sad? 

"Mama I will go up to my room. I feel a bit sick."  
She went over to him and pressed her hand on his forehead. Oliver wished he could do the same thing.  
"Yes tesero mio."  
Elio smiled at her, that smile he only gave his mum. Without looking at anything else, he went inside. Oliver looked over to James. He also had a confused and worried look on his face. 

Oliver wanted to go after Elio, but Pro came outside and told them to sit down. James and Oliver put their bags inside on the couch and went to dine with the family. James and the Perlmans chatted and laughed a lot. Mama P. tried to teach him a few words in Italian, he was rubbish at it. Then they talked about his studies and projects. Oliver tried to participate, but he couldn't concentrate. He was way too concerned with why Elio was suddenly so sad. It broke his heart to see that. But Oliver was clueless. He just came back from town. Was Elio sad because he went with someone else? And not him? But Elio wouldn't have said yes. Oliver's head started to hurt. 

"Sorry, I will go up to my room. I have a headache from the sun probably."  
James looked at him concerned, but Oliver gave him a little nod.  
"Okay get some rest then."  
"Get better." 

Oliver got the bag from the couch and quickly went upstairs. He arrived in his room, and got the books out. Then he put the bag away.  
Afterwards he went downstairs again. He made a tea in the kitchen and then walked upstairs again. He stopped at Elio's and James' floor. He didn't plan to give Elio the books in person before, but now he desperately wanted to speak to him and make sure he was okay.  
Without giving himself time to chicken out, he knocked on the door.  
No answer.  
He knocked again.  
"Entra!"  
Elio clearly expected one of his parents or Mafalda to come in.  
Oliver opened the door slowly. The room was completely dark. 

"It is me."  
"Oh.", came after a while. "I didn't expect it to be you."  
"I know. I wanted to make sure you are okay."  
"I am."  
Now Oliver could see him. Elio was in bed, his face away from the door. The sheets pulled to his nose, even though it was really warm in the room.  
"Are you sure? Are you cold?"  
"No I am not. I am fine though. You can leave."  
Oliver felt the hurt again.  
"I made you tea."  
He heard Elio sigh.  
"Place it on the nightstand then. I don't need it though."  
Oliver stepped forward and placed the mug on the little desk.  
He wished he could lay down next to Elio.  
"I um.. have something for you."  
"Hm."  
Oliver looked around. It was getting dark already, but he could still see things, knowing this room very well. then he spotted the flowers. They were in a vase, filled with water. Oliver had to smile. So he kept them. 

"Yes. I got you these."  
Elio breathed out loudly, but he turned his head a bit. Oliver wanted to see his eyes, see if he cried. But he couldn't see them clearly in this light.  
"What is these?"  
"These." Oliver placed the two presents on Elio's covered body.  
Elio looked at them.  
He didn't move for a while then. Oliver was about to go back to his room, when suddenly Elio sat up. He got the first one in his hands and unpacked it. It was the book, that Oliver had read.  
Elio looked at the book for a long while, he read the text on the back and then read the first lines on the first page. Oliver watched him. That was Elio. He took his time for books.  
Then he unpacked the second one. It was the one, he always wanted. Oliver saw Elio caressing the cover of the book. He went over it with his smooth long fingers. Lost in thoughts, it seemed.

Then Elio looked up.  
"You..you went into town and got these?"  
"Yes."  
Elio was surprised. Oliver wondered, what he thought he did in town. Oliver never bought something other than cigarettes last time he was here.  
"For me?"  
"I wanted to get those for you, yes."  
Elio looked down at the books again.  
He looked confused and Oliver asked himself why.  
"Thank you.", he said.  
Oliver felt happiness spreading in his chest. He thanked him. This was a good start, right?  
"Did you have a nose bleed?"  
Elio shook his head, but it was not convincing.  
"Well I will let you sleep. Do you need anything?"  
"No."  
"Okay. If you need anything, you know where I am."  
Elio just looked down and layed down again.  
Oliver turned around and then stepped out of the room. He didn't want to tease his luck. Elio was somehow gentle just now. Oliver smiled. Maybe the books were a good idea, but he was still confused about Elio's question. Why was he so surprised that Oliver picked up some books for Elio in town? He said it in a weird way. Like he already expected to know what he did in town? 

Oliver layed down in his bed and fell asleep with the thought on the very same topic and question. Without getting an answer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So when will Oliver realize?


	17. Little touches

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> James wants to go to a museum and maybe more than one person joins him?

The next morning Oliver was awake quite early. He looked at the clock and it was just 7am. But he felt really fresh and awake, so he didn’t want to go to sleep again. He decided to head downstairs and go swimming for a bit, so he changed into his bathing suit and started to get going. 

But as he passed Elio‘s door, he saw that it was open. So Elio was awake as well? Quickly Oliver hopped down the stairs, because he saw the hope of meeting him. He stepped outside and he looked around. There was no sign of Elio. Oliver felt his heart getting heavy again. After yesterday evening, he hoped to be able to speak to Elio again. He wanted to see if Elio would be gentle again and won‘t act like Oliver isn’t there. 

Oliver started to walk towards the little pool. But as he went past the walls of the house, he recognized that one bike was missing. So Elio headed out? Maybe he was at the berm? Maybe with one of the books Oliver got for him? That would be nice. Oliver thought about biking there and look for Elio but he didn’t want to intrude him. Maybe he needed some time for himself? Or maybe he went there with the hope Oliver would know where he was and maybe follows him? Oliver was unsure now. But if he rode there and Elio didn’t want to see him? No he would stay here and decided to try and talk to him later. He went over to the pool again and got inside the semi-warm water. 

After his swim he took a shower and got dressed. He secretly hoped Elio would return for breakfast. With a sudden urge to know if he would, he went downstairs again. As he stepped outside, he saw Mafalda setting up the table. Oliver already took a seat and talked to her a little bit. After a few more minutes The Perlman‘s came outside as well, and soon followed by James. James smiled at him and Oliver smiled back. 

A few minutes after they began to eat, they heard something from the garden.   
„Ohhh that must be Elio!“, Pro said.   
And indeed Elio came towards the breakfast table. He looked tired, was the first thing Olivet noticed. The second thing was the wet hair.   
„Dove eri?“, Mama P asked Elio.   
„Down by the lake.“, he answered. 

He answered in English Oliver noticed. Maybe he wanted Oliver to know? Or was that too far out of context? He didn’t even know anymore.   
„Was the water warm?“, he asked, determined to keep talking to Elio.   
„It was alright.“, Elio answered and gave him a quick look. Oliver smiled at him and nodded.   
He saw James looking at him from out of the corner of his eye. Maybe he actually made progress and Elio was more trusting and willing to talk to him again? 

„So what are your plans for today?“, Pro asked.   
Oliver cocked an eyebrow.   
„I don’t really know actually.“   
Pro chuckled and looked at James.   
„Well there is this little museum I wanted to go to, it has a limited exhibition about painters and the history of some paintings. So maybe we could do that today?“, he looked at Oliver while he said that.   
Oliver looked a bit surprised for a second because James didn’t tell him about this before.   
„Okay yeah why not. If you wanna go.“   
Oliver saw Elio looking up again. The same look as yesterday on his face. The little hurt one and the thinking one.   
Oliver decided to do something about that and just dare it. 

„Hey Elio, do you maybe want to go with us?“, Oliver quickly asked.   
Elio‘s eyes moved to look at Oliver‘s face. He looked confused and even more surprised. Why was he so surprised that Oliver wanted to spend time with him.  
„If you are well enough of course.“, Oliver added.   
Mama P looked at Elio.   
„Maybe it would be nice. You love the little museums and you can have a nice day.“   
Elio looked back and forth between his mother and Oliver.   
„Well if James doesn’t mind?“, he asked a little bit uncertain. 

Why would James mind?, Oliver thought. Did Elio think James doesn't like him or something. Oliver looked over to James and he looked really confused as well.   
"Of course not. Why would I mind?"   
Elio just looked away and shrugged.   
"I just thought maybe you wanted.. you wanted to be alone." It came out more as a question and Oliver wondered why Elio would say that? Did he think that they were just here so Oliver could show James around? Because obviously he was here for Elio?!   
"No! We don't.", said Oliver quickly.   
Both parents looked amused. Pro was looking at his newspapers and Mama Perlman was watching her coffee.   
"It would be great to have a native person with us. You can understand people and translate stuff for me!.", James said enthusiastically.   
Elio nodded, but still looked unsure.   
"Yeah I guess I can do that."  
Oliver felt a rush of happiness.   
"So you will come with us then?"   
Elio looked at Oliver for a split second and Oliver felt the intesity of the look.   
"Yeah, I have nothing better to do." 

Okay that hurt a little bit. Oliver didn't want him to go with them because there was nothing else to do, but because he wanted to go with them. 

After breakfast they all got changed and Pro told Anchise to drive them to the city and get some shopping done while they were visiting the museum.   
"Can I sit in the front?", James asked, when they got to the car.   
Oliver smiled a little bit. James did that for him. So he can sit with Elio.   
Anchise nodded at him and James smiled at him.   
"Great thanks." He turned towards Elio and Oliver.   
"I hope you don't mind, but I want to be able to look at the landscape."  
"No. Sure it is your first time here. Go ahead.", Oliver replied thankfully.   
Elio also nodded at James, probably not having it in his heart to deny him that wish. 

As Elio and Oliver sat in the back of the car, Oliver sometimes looked over to Elio. But the other man would either look out of the window or down in his lap. Oliver thought about what he could do, to get his attention. Suddenly he got an idea. 

Very slowly, Oliver got rid of his shoe on one foot. He wore shows, where you can just slip in and out, so it was no problem. Then he reached over with his foot. First, he just placed it bit nearer to Elio's. But Elio was looking out of the window again, so he didn't see the movement.   
After a few more seconds, Oliver decided to just go for it. Now or never.   
He scooted his foot closer and carefully placed it on top of Elio's. He saw, how Elio's body tensed at the contact, and how he was scared for a second by the sudden touch.   
Then Oliver saw Elio looking down at their feet. there was literally no emotion on his face. Oliver couldn't even guess, what Elio was feeling right now. Elio still looked at their feet. Oliver moved his toes a little bit and caressed Elio's foot with them. Well Elio's foot was still in shoes, but he wore really thin ones, so he was still able to feel it. 

Oliver was awaiting any reaction from Elio.   
After what had to be like 5 minutes, Elio looked over to him. His eyes and face still unreadable. He wasn't sure, what to think.   
Oliver looked him in the eyes and smiled. he tried to put all his feelings in his smile and face. Elio didn't smile back. He simply looked down at their feet again and then after a few more seconds, he looked out of the window again.   
Oliver felt a little bit disappointed again, he wanted Elio to at least smile. But Elio also didn't retreat his foot from underneath Oliver's. So maybe that was a good sign.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So guys..my uni started again. I will be more busy from now on I guess. So the updates might be shorter sometimes and maybe also not updated much always. But I will try to write as much as possible!! Hope you enjoyed this little moment between them :) Tell me what you think will happen at the museum :)


	18. A museum and a sickness?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The trip to the museum ends with Elio being sick.

When they arrived at the museum, Elio took one more look at their feet. He then scrunched his eyebrows just slightly. Like he was a bit confused. Oliver just didn't understand why. Why was Elio always looking like he was confused about Oliver's steps to get nearer to him again? 

When Anchise stopped the car for good, they all quickly stepped out of the car. Elio talked to Anchise in Italian and they nodded at each other, then Anchise and with him the car left. 

"He will pick us up later."   
James and Oliver nodded.   
"Well let's go inside then, shall we?", James was clearly excited to go inside and look at all his favorite things.   
Oliver smiled at him amused. It was great, how open James was. He was just showing his emotions so openly. Then Oliver felt another pairs of eyes on him. He looked over at Elio, but Elio looked down now. But Oliver was sure, that he was just staring at him.   
"Yes let's go!" 

They got inside and Oliver payed for all of them.   
"I can pay myself Olli.", James insisted.   
"I know you can. But I don't want you too."   
James sighed and Oliver chuckled.   
"You are so bossy." Oliver just raised one eyebrow.   
Elio looked at the scene before him and there was that look on his face again, as Oliver noted. Elio looked sad and like he wanted to leave immediately. Oliver wondered, if he really wants to leave and why he would want that? 

"So Elio, are you interested in pictures and arts?"   
Elio looked at James, suddenly seeming really distant.   
"Not much. I like it and I read a few books about painters and their lives. But I am not especially interested in pictures and arts as it comes. But I like creative things and artsy things, so I don't mind learning new things about it."  
James looked at him with a sudden surprise and sympathy.   
"Well I can show and tell you a thing or two. Who knows? Maybe this will be your new favorite hobby?"   
Oliver wished that wouldn't become come true. His music was his favorite hobby and it should stay that way.   
"Um I doubt that, but yeah.", Elio said. Oliver smiled at that. Elio didn't believe it either then. That was good.   
"Well Oliver here went with me to a few art exhibitions in New York and he really likes it now, don't you?"   
Oliver nodded.   
"Not as much as you though. And also not as much as books."   
Elio was again looking at them in this weird way. Oliver really started to wonder, what was going on in his head. 

"Are you like room mates in the States?", he asked.   
"No. We weren't. I live alone.", Oliver said.   
"And I live with my crappy room mate. But I spend a lot of time at Olli`s place, I guess. Just because my apartment is really not the best. His is beautiful."   
Elio looked intensely at James and then gulped and looked down. He looked torn inside.   
"I see." What was going on with him? That was not his normal behavior.   
"Let's go and look at some art then.", Oliver said to brighten the mood. 

They all went into the main hall and instantly James walked over to the first picture he found. He told them something about the art work, and he did the same with some other pictures as well. Oliver was a bit bored, to be honest, but he wanted James to be happy here as well. 

Oliver and Elio followed him around all the time. then they stopped at yet another picture. It was a nice picture of a little farm in a field. It was surrounded by flowers, but the sky was really dark and looked kind of scary. It was a pretty big contrast. The happiness and idyll on the bottom and the storm on the top.   
"Beautiful, isn't it? I heard of this picture before. It has a backstory, you know? It is about a man, who lived on this farm with his wife for so many years. Until they grew old. Then she died, and he was devastated. He loved her so much and he lost her. But all she cared about, when she was still alive, were her flowers. SO he took it into his own hands to keep them all alive. In honor of her, he wanted to let them grow. He hated to live there alone, but it was the only thing, that was left of her and so he cared for the flowers and lived there, until he was found dead one day."   
Oliver was saddened by the story. That must be really awful. To still live at the place, where you spend all your best years with your loved partner with.   
Oliver looked over to James and then saw the worried look on his face. And James was looking at Elio. 

As Oliver turned to look at said man as well, he was scared. 

Elio had a sad and also kind of emotional look on his face. He stared at the picture and he looked, like he was about to cry. James looked down, somewhat regretful.   
"Excuse me, I um.. I need to use the restroom.", Elio said in a whisper and in a really small, teary voice.   
Oliver looked after him.   
"I'm sorry man. I didn't think."   
"What? What did just happen?"   
James looked at Oliver like he was an alien.   
"Oh my god, you are actually stupid!"   
Oliver looked at him in surprise.   
"Stupid? Why?"   
James shook his head.   
"Oh I don't know. Maybe because I was just telling a story about loosing the love of your life and have to be at the same place you lost them? To Elio? Who had do endure the same thing?"   
And now it dawned to Oliver. Oh god. He really was stupid.   
"Oh my god! Shit shit shit."   
"Yep."   
"I should go after him."   
"No I don't think this is a good place to talk about things. Do it later at home. Not in a restroom of a museum."   
And James was right. Probably? Maybe not.   
"And what if he is crying?"   
"I don't think he is.", said James and nodded at behind Oliver. 

Oliver turned around and saw Elio coming back from the restroom.   
He smiled slightly at them and Oliver knew instantly he will act like nothing happened.   
"I'm sorry. I still feel a bit sick from the other day."   
"Do you want to head outside?"   
"No I am fine." With that Elio turned around and walked to the next picture.   
Oliver looked at James, who looked really thoughtful.   
Then James shrugged and went after Elio. 

"No that was at that one first semester party, Olli."   
"No! It was in third semester, trust me. I remember."  
"You clearly don't!"  
"Yes yes I do. You through up on Mandy Handsville and then I took you back to my room, because yours was on the other campus back then. And the next day I had to nurse your hungover ass."   
"Ohhhh I'm sorry. You wanted to go so desperately. Not me mister."   
They were talking about college times, because there was a painting that showed a room, full of dancing people and they kinda came onto this topic.   
"Yeah yeah I guess I should be thankful."   
"Yes you should. I made an excuse of not partying for you. And I had a test two days after."   
"Ohhh fun times. You passed though."   
"Yeah with a D. Super great!"   
Oliver and James laughed.   
Elio just stood next to them and stayed silent.   
"You know. Maybe I will head outside, I feel like throwing up in fact."   
"Do you want me to come with you?"   
Elio didn't even look at him now.   
"No."   
With that Elio stepped away from them.   
"I will just wait for Anchise outside. You enjoy your time and look at all the pictures."   
The he left them. 

"Okay seriously what is wrong with him? I mean okay I get the picture thing. But he is acting so sad and hurt suddenly. He was just distant in the beginning but now he just seems so so sad. I hate to have to see this."   
"Hmm maybe now that you have been here for a few days, he realized he is sad over you? And can't act angry anymore?"   
"You think?"   
"Yeah I do."   
"So weird. And he always looks so weird at us when we talk. Did you see that?"   
James nodded and looked down akwardly.   
"What?", Oliver asked.   
James shook his head.   
"Oh tell me James! What?"   
"Okay well. If I didn't know better..I would say he looks a bit jealous? Like he thinks there is something more than friendship between us? But I could be mistaken?"   
Oliver made the hugest eyes.   
"What?!"  
"It just looks like it. Remember when Leah cheated on me and she came to every party with her new boyfriend?"   
Oliver nodded.   
"Thats the kind of looks I gave them."   
"But he knows that I am here for him? I mean why would he think something like that then?"   
"Does he know?"   
"What?"   
"That you are here for him?"   
"Well yes."   
"How do you know he knows?"   
"Well I am sure Pro told him?"   
"What if he didn't?"   
"James stop."   
"I am serious though. What if he just told him you will come here with friend."   
"Oh god."   
Oliver thought about it and it actually would be like Pro to not tell Elio.   
"Oh god! No. He thinks I brought my boy from the States here? What the hell."   
"Does he know, that you have broken thing of with Anne?"   
"I don't even know."   
"Man Olli. Just talk to him later, yeah?"   
"Yeah. First I have to ask Pro what Elio knows and what not."   
"Yes do that."   
"Come on let's get outside too, before Elio thinks we are doing god knows what."   
"Oh god James. No!"   
James laughed. 

They went outside and they spotted the car. Anchise and Elio were seated inside. Elio was sitting in the front now. Oliver felt sad about that. He hoped to get to comfort Elio. But now that dream was over.   
Oliver and James got into the car quickly.   
"How are you?", Oliver asked.   
"Not good. I threw up."   
Maybe Elio was actually sick? Oh no poor Elio!   
"Oh no. Let's get home soon then."   
Elio just looked out of the window. 

When they arrived home, Pro sat outside and read the newspaper.   
"Oh you are back soon!"   
"I feel sick Papa."   
Pro looked at Elio concerned.   
"You still feel not better?"   
"No actually worse."   
Pro went over to Elio and played a hand on his forehead. Oliver looked at them concerned.   
"You feel really warm Elly. Come, let's get you in bed."   
Elio nodded and he leaned close to his Papa. Pro played an arm around Elio and they both went inside.   
Oliver was really worried. Elio was really not good!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shorty! But I told you I will try and update so here it is :) Hope you enjoy! Do you think Elio is really sick or "just" lovesick?


	19. A talk with Pro and a big surprise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oliver goes to Pro for a talk. Meanwhile Elio finds something very unpleasing.

Elio and his dad were upstairs for a long time. Oliver was getting really worried and he paced up and down in his room. James sat on the bed and watched him. 

"Oliver he will be alright. He ist just a bit sick."   
"But he looked so bad and his dad is up there for a long time now. Maybe it got worse?"  
"They would tell you if it really was that serious. Maybe Elio doesn't want his dad to leave. Sometimes you feel lonely when you are sick."   
He feel lonely anyways, Oliver thought. Because I left him.   
"Oh god I hate this!"   
"I know. But he will be finde. He needs to get some sleep and rest. He will be fine again."   
Oliver nodded, but he was still concerned.   
"Maybe we should rest a bit too."   
"I will look, if Pro is out of the room yet."   
James sighed, Oliver didn't even answer his question properly.   
He was really gone for the boy. 

Oliver stepped out of his room and then silently and carefully stepped down the stairs. At Elio's door, he stepped closer and played his head on the door But he couldn't hear anything. Hmm maybe Elio was indeed sleeping?   
He stepped the stairs further down and then looked around. He would try the office first. He went inside and indeed Pro was sitting there, book in his hand. He looked up as he heard Oliver knocking on the open door.   
"Oliver!"   
"Can I come in?"   
"Of course. Come in."   
Oliver smiled at him and then went over to one of the chairs and sat down.   
"You look like something is on your chest."   
Oliver smiled. Pro was as good as sensing people as Elio. Or maybe the other way around.   
"I have indeed.. yeah."   
Pro put his book away and folded his hands on his lap.   
"Tell me about it then."   
Oliver breathed in to calm his nerves.   
"First I need to know how he is."   
"He is sleeping now. He doesn't feel good. He say his whole body hurts and he threw up again."  
"Oh no.", Oliver sighed.   
"Well everyone gets sick sometimes. He will be fine again, I am sure."   
Oliver nodded.   
"Okay well that is not the only thing I wanted to know. "  
"I guessed so much.", Pro laughed. 

"I just.. did you..does he."   
Oliver stopped, god he was not one to stumble on words.   
"Does he know why I am here?"   
Pro looked at his hands and played with his ring.   
"I am not so sure."   
"But did you tell him?"   
"That you are here to win him back? No."  
Oliver looked at Pro for a moment, not sure how to feel about that.   
"Oliver listen. I don't want to tell you anything, that he doesn't want you to know. But when you left, he was not good. He wasn't up until you came here, all and now it is worse, I guess. He was left deeply saddened and he was sometimes shying away all day."  
Oliver sat there, stunned. That is exactly what he didn't want to happen. For Elio to not be the same anymore. To loose his good spirit.   
"I'm sorry."   
"You don't have to apologize. Not to me. He did what he wanted to do and I raised him that way. I am there for him and to lift him up. But his decisions were his own."   
Oliver nodded.   
"So I didn't tell him why exactly you came here. Because I didn't know, if he would be happy about it or not. I think, to be honest, that he would have been scared and that it would have eaten him up inside. He stresses too much sometimes. Also, and I don't mean to offend you, I didn't want to tell him, in case you changed your mind. He would have been devastated about that."   
Oliver didn't take offense. He understood. He left him once. Why wouldn't he do it again?   
"I understand."   
"Good."   
"So he just knows that I wanted to come back?"   
"Yes pretty much. I told him you called and asked if you could come and stay here. I also told him that you will bring a friend and that you don`t know yet, how long your stay will be." 

Oliver felt a bit breathless now. Elio didn't know. All this time, he didn't know. That he wanted him back. that this was the only reason, he came back in the first place. He didn't know. And Oliver brought James with him and was all friendly with him. And it must seem odd to Elio and cruel. Because why bringing a friend, when he came back to this place? God no this was horrible. Just horrible. This isn't how this was supposed to go down.   
Pro watched him.   
"Well maybe thinking about it again, it wasn't my best idea."   
Oliver smiled at him.   
"It wasn't your fault.. I should have talked to him."   
And he still should. If James was right, and Elio thought he has something with him, that would be even worse. No Oliver would never do that to Elio. Never.   
"Yes. But you still can."   
"Yes and I need to. I am sorry that I made him unhappy."   
Pro nodded.   
"Do you think that um.. his sickness has something to do with all that?"   
"Well I think that sometimes the inner sickness can show on the outside. But the body is a secret for its own. So I guess we won't find out."  
Oliver nodded again. He needed to get to Elio as quickly as he could.   
"Thanks for your time Pro. I need to leave now."  
Pro nodded understanding. 

Oliver quickly went out of the office and then climbed up the stairs. Taking two at the same time. He was such an idiot. But when he passed Elio's door, he saw that it was open. Was he downstairs? He didn't hear anything.   
He climbed up the next stairs to his room. And that door was open too. Was Elio in his room? Was he looking around? Looking for him? 

When Oliver stepped inside, he saw Elio standing in his room. Covers wrapped around himself. Oliver felt the love and excitement in his chest. But then he saw Elio's look. He was focused on something. And he looked even more sad than before. Oliver let his eyes follow Elio's look. And no. Oh no. 

James was sleeping in his bed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry for not updating. But it was my birthday this weekend and I had much work to do. So I took a little time before Uni today and wrote this :) Hope you like it and tell me what you think will happen next! I am so sorry for Elio. Love you all.


	20. My heart can't take this

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Elio understand the situation wrong and finally lets out his thoughts. Hint: They are not nice.

"Elio..please it`s.."   
"Shut up!", Elio shouted at him.   
Oliver was surprised. He never heard Elio raising his voice like that. It scared him.   
"El.."   
"NO!", Elio shouted again. He turned around to face Oliver. Oliver's heart broke at the sight. Elio looked so exhausted and just so don with the world. He had bags under his eyes, bags that were reddish. Tears were in his eyes. But his face didn't look sad. No. It looked angry. He looked so so angry. Which also scared Oliver. Because he never ever saw Elio like that either. Not even when Oliver left him at the train station. Elio never looked angry at him. Just sad and hurt. And although that hurt Oliver deeply, seeing him like this was even worse. 

James woke up slowly from all the shouting. He blinked his eyes open and then sat up and turned towards them. He looked confused at first, then as he took Elio's state in, he looked shocked and nervous. His eyes flickered towards Oliver. Elio let out an ironic laugh.   
"What?! Surprised, that I caught you guys?"   
James looked more confused than ever. But of course Elio wouldn't know that. Oliver shook his head.   
"Elio we are.."   
"Save it. Whatever you have to say. Just save it, I don't want to hear it."   
Oliver had tears in his eyes welling up. What the hell did just happen? Why was all this so goddamn hard? 

"Elio." , James spoke up in a soft voice.   
"Shut up. Don't speak to me. Ever again. Didn't he tell you? Didn't tell you, how he fucked me last time he was here?"   
And that stung. "Fucked", was not in the slightest what they did. Well they did, but not because they wanted to sleep with each other like an affair. No, it was an act of love.  
"Guess he found another toy."   
Oliver looked at him shocked. What was he saying? Toy? Elio was never a toy to Oliver. He was so much more.   
"Elio, you.."   
"Shut the hell up! I'm not gonna ask you again."   
Oliver let a few tears escape. They were a mix of frustration, sadness and anger. This all went so wrong. 

Elio looked at him, saw the tears.   
"You are so pathetic. You acted like you cared. Like you loved me. Then you leave me, and call just to tell me you are engaged with a girl at home, you had while you were here. And you even had the guts to ask me if it was okay! What the hell? Would you be okay with that?", he made a pause, looked at James and then looked at Oliver again.

"Well probably yes, since you already moved on. You told me you remembered, that you will never forget. That I am important. And now? You bring your new man here and act like it is completely normal. You joke around with him, go to our places with him, all in front of me. And because you felt bad, you brought me back something? You think you can buy my forgiveness? You thought I wouldn't recognize, how you sticked your heads together?! I see more than you think." 

Oliver listened to him. And now he realized, how wrong he did everything. He made Elio think that James was his lover. All the evenings James gave him advice, all the times they went into town, just to get something for Elio. He thought it was like an excuse. Oh god. He was such an idiot. He made Elio feel even worse, than when he left him. He should have just talked to him, when he arrived.   
"And why are you crying now? Because I caught you? And you didn't want me to find out this way? Well guess what..I don't even fucking care. I hope your fiancé or wife or whatever she is now knows about this. But since you didn't tell her, or me I might add, that you cheated, I guess she doesn't."   
Oliver had more tears escaping his eyes now. James just sat on the bed, hugely shocked at this outburst. He never cheated on her. They were on a break. Elio thinks, he was just some random affair?   
"I guess I was easy. I am away from home and all that huh? Well I won't make it easy for you this time. Please do me one last favor. Please leave the house. Leave this town. Leave me alone. Just leave me alone."   
Oliver's heart clenched. No, no, no. No. This was not what Elio was supposed to say. Oliver can't leave him.   
"Elio. Please listen to me.", Oliver said in a pained voice.   
"No. I won't. Actually I will leave now."   
With that, Elio wrapped the sheets around himself tighter again and then, without looking at either man, stepped out of the room.

Oliver and James looked after him and were silent for a long long time.   
"Why did you sleep here? What were you thinking?"   
"Hey don't blame it on me now! You said, you wanted to find him and I figured I would wait for you. But then you didn't came back and I must have fallen asleep."   
"How could this happen? Why didn't you go to your room?"   
"Maybe because I wanted to help you. And be there for you. But I guess you don't want that. Although you could really need it right now."   
James stood up from the bed angrily and then moved to get out.   
"No please stay.", Oliver said.   
James turned around.   
"I'm sorry. Please help me, James. I have no idea how to fix this mess. How did all of that happen?"   
James went over to Oliver and smiled at him.   
"We will fix it. Don't worry."   
Oliver nodded. 

Elio stepped down the stairs. He looked outside, but there was nobody there. He looked at the salon, but there was also nobody. With tears streaming down his face, he went to the bedroom of his parents. They must take a nap. He opened the door and he was so relieved to see his parents. His dad was reading a book and his mum was sleeping next to him. His father looked up from the book and he instantly had a worried look on his face.   
"Elio? Cosa é successo?"   
"papà.", Elio sobbed out.   
"Oh figlio mio."   
Pro held his arms out and Elio moved to his father and cuddled into his arms. He cried into his shoulder. His mother woke up and she looked at her husband, which made a sad look. Similar to the one after they spoke to Oliver on the phone all this time ago. She sighed and looked down sadly. She reached over and stroked his curly hair.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The ending convo in english: (I took this from google translate, so if it is wrong and you are better in Italian, please let me know haha)   
> "What happened?"   
> "Papa."  
> "Oh my son." 
> 
> So guys. Angst. Angst. Angst. Hope you won't freak out. But I feel like Elio should have a chance to say what he thinks. And how cute is him going to his parents' bed? I love their bond :)


	21. Sleep and a letter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remember the sheet of paper Oliver wrote on at the end of chap 8? It might be of use again now...

Oliver and James sat in Oliver's room for a long time, without talking. With were thinking about ways to make up for what had happened. But both were also still shocked about what just happened. Elio bursted out all his emotions and he looked so pained. Oliver felt a pang in his chest, every time he thought about the look on Elio's face.

 

Elio was sleeping on his parent's bed. His mother sneaked out of the room half an hour ago. She had plans with a friend. Although she wanted to stay behind, Papa Perlamn told her to go and that he will take care of their child. She thanked him and told him to give Elio a big kiss on the cheek when he woke up. Papa Perlman watched his sleeping son, he asked himself, if maybe it was the wrong decision to not tell Elio about why exactly Oliver came back. But he didn't want to come in-between them and he really wasn't that convinced, that Oliver would not change his mind. Elio had cried for 15 minutes straight, before he calmed down a bit. He was so exhausted afterwards and fell asleep, still sniffling.His parents stroked over his back and hair and helped him to calm down. They didn't ask what happened, because they knew this would make him cry again. Also it was clear, it had something to do with Oliver. So they just took care of their son.

 

"I need to talk to him. Tell him that it is not how he thinks it is. James.. I need him to understand. This went so wrong." "Then go and talk to him." "Yes. I can't make him suffer any longer." James nodded at him. „I don't want to be rude, but can you please go back to your room? I don't want something like that happen again.“ James chuckled, which earned him a glare by Oliver. James rolled his eyes. "Okay okay. I will leave. Don't mess it up again mate.“ "I will try my best." "Good luck Oliver.", James smiled. "Thanks."

Oliver went over to his suitcase and got out the letter he wrote that one evening for Elio. Then he went downstairs in order to find Elio. He knocked on his door, but there was no answer. But Oliver thought it was quiet understandable, that Elio didn't want to talk to him. So he just went inside. But as he was inside, and looked around, Elio was nowhere to be seen. Oliver wondered about that. Where else might he be? He went down the stairs and looked in every single room. But Elio was not there. Maybe he went to his spot? Oliver stepped out in the garden and went over to the wall, where the bikes were usually leaned against.

Two bikes.

So he was not away with a bike, meaning he wasn't at his spot. It was way too far away to reach with walking. But where was he then?

Oliver went down to the stones. He walked a little bit up and down, but same as before. Elio was not here. Oliver got worried now. Where was he? This couldn't be. Elio didn't run away because of him right? He had to be around here somewhere. Then Oliver saw, that the car was gone. God no. Elio didn't sit in the car and drove of?! He was not able to drive the car! He doesn't have a license. What if he hurts himself? No no no. This won't happen, not because of him. He needed to tell somebody. His parents or Mafalda. Whoever he could find. Before it was too late.

Oliver searched the house again. But it seemed like everybody was gone? The house was so silent, like never before. This was weird. Maybe Elio told his parents that he needed to get away? Am they all drove of? But what if not? There was just one room left, that he didn't check yet.

The Perlman's bedroom. He felt weird to go in there. Even last summer he never saw their room. And he didn't want to seem rude, but it was because of Elio. Their son. Maybe that would make up for it. Slowly he went over to their room and with one last deep breath, he knocked on the door. There was no answer. Oliver closed his eyes, not believing he was about to open the door to their room. He then actually opened the door and he was met with the face of Pro. Relief crawled up Oliver's body. He was about to speak up, when Pro put a finger up to his lips. Oliver looked at him confused. Then Pro pointed down to something. And oh. Elio was sleeping, curled up against his father. Even now his face looked exhausted. Oliver felt the tears coming to his eyes. He couldn't hold them back anymore. He looked up at Pro. Pro nodded at him and then pointed behind Oliver. He asked him to leave. But something in Oliver didn't feel right with just leaving. He looked at Pro with a begging look on his face. Pro smiled slightly.

"Later. Not now. Let him rest.", he whispered.

Oliver still looked pained and unsure.

"Please.", Pro whispered again.

"He needs to get rest, Oliver."

Oliver looked at him and then at Elio. He wanted to talk to him, but maybe Pro was right. He needed rest. Oliver stepped inside the room and held out the letter.

"Can you give that to him when he wakes up?"

Pro nodded at him and took it. Oliver then nodded and left the room. When Oliver stepped out of the room, he sat down on the couch in the living room. That way he would be able to hear when someone opens the door of the Perlman's room. Then he would talk to Elio.

Elio woke up with the worst pain in his throat. His eyes were hurting and he felt like his whole body was stiff. He blinked his eyes open and then he saw his father's smiling face.

"Hello.", his father said.

"Hey."

His father reached a hand out and stroked over Elio's head. Elio leaned into it.

"Oliver was here."

Elio closed his eyes, the mention of the name making him sad again.

"I don't care."

Papa Perlman sighed.

"He left this for you."

He held out the letter.

"Did you read it?"

"Of course not Elio."

Elio nodded. "I don't know if I want to."

Papa Perlman smiled at him.

"I think you should read it. See what he has to say. It may be surprising."

Elio looked at him with furrowed brows. "Surprising?"

"Yes.", Papa Perlam said. Elio looked down at the letter.

"I will get something to drink, yeah?"

"Okay.", Elio said.

Knowing his father wanted to give him time to read the letter in private. His father pressed a kiss on his cheek and then got up from the bed. When Elio was alone in the room, he looked at the letter again. He was annoyed, because he knows, he wouldn't be able to resist to read it. How smart of Olive rot write him a letter, it was a bit like the little note last summer. Elio didn't want to read all his excuses. Sighing, he opened the letter.

 

"Dear Elio, Dear Oliver,

I hope you are well. I can't stop thinking about you. About us. What we had. You changed me in so many ways and even if a part of me wishes, you would have never done that, the other parts, the stronger ones, tell me that I needed you. That you are good for me, and that it is good you changed me. You made me fall in love, experience what real love is about. For that I want to thank you. I want to thank you for teaching me so much, for letting me in your life and heart. For showing me how love can be. But I know I destroyed it by leaving you. I would do everything to take this step back. I sometimes wish, I would have never stepped on the train and just remained there with you. Spend every day with you, wake up with you and fall asleep with my arms around you. I loved to spend time with you, just laying in bed. Being together. God I miss you so much. And because of that, I actually just left my fiancé, Elio. Can you believe that? I actually did it. I dared to leave her and make the first step towards a better life. A life with you. To be myself. With you. Well if you take me back of course. I hope you do, I couldn't take it if not. If you decline me. I would never be able to survive that. I just want to be with you. No matter what. No matter what obligations I have here. No matter, what my parents say. No matter, if I have to move. It all doesn't matter. because the only thing, that matters, is you. Please let me come home,

yours Elio."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I decided to put a little bit of Elio's point of view in it and him and Papa Perlman.  
> Big talk next chapter?  
> Love you all :)


	22. The shore

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The beginning of the talk :)

Oliver sat up in his room again. Alone on the bed. Just staring out of the window. It was beautiful. You could see a lot of the landscape and sea from here. But he couldn't enjoy it right now, his mood was daunted.   
He wondered, if Elio read the letter. What he thinks about it? If it moved something in him? Would it change the situation? Oliver actually wanted to talk to him so baldy now and not hide anymore. He waited for far too long already. And now look where it got him.. 

The letter was really special to Oliver. He knew, he wasn't really that good with words and writing, but he wrote it, when he just broke up with his fiancé and decided to try to be with Elio again. You could see his headspace at that time in this letter. Hopefully Elio would be able to see it too. 

Hours passed. Oliver watched the birds and the trees outside, how they moved in the wind. Free and carefree. Soon he heard the bell ringing, Mafalda had set up the dinner. Oliver sighed, he didn't feel like going downstairs and face the family after what happened. And he wanted to talk to Elio before he saw him at dinner. But maybe he wouldn't even come there. In the heat of the moment, Oliver decided not to participate in dinner today. He didn't want to look into the judging faces of the Perlman's and Elio and James. He knew, he didn't do many right choices lately, but he didn't want to see that truth clear on their faces. 

Nobody came up and checked on him, probably knowing why he didn't show up. And if Elio was there, it was clear they were relieved. But what? But what if..? What if Elio wasn't there! Oliver quickly jumped up from the bed. If Elio was not there, he was alone. Oliver quickly opened his door, without even thinking much. That was his chance to talk to Elio alone. Maybe he will find him an he will be able to talk to him in private. 

Oliver jumped down the stairs as fast as he could with still remaining silent. He then knocked on Elio's door, but he got no response. No wonder, Oliver thought. He then went inside, wanting to check if he really wasn't there or if he just didn't want to talk to him. He peeked his head inside, but Elio wasn't there. So maybe he was actually at the dinner table, it was possible after all. Oliver felt disappointed, he really hoped to be able to talk to him. He stepped further inside the room and looked over to the bed. The books Oliver gave to him played on the bed. Oliver smiled and picked one of them up. It looked as if someone read it and a few corners were folded at the top, meaning Elio makes where he stopped. 

He is reading the books. 

This meant everything to Oliver. It was all he wanted, when he gave him those books.   
Oliver looked up to the window and he was about to look away, when he saw something moving on the stones. Oliver stepped closer to the window and then he saw it more clearly. There was someone sitting on a stone at the sea shore. 

It was Elio. 

Oliver retreated from the room and stepped down the stairs. Then he remembered, that the family was dining downstairs in the garden. Could he just walk by them? Show them where he was going? But he had no other choice. There was no other way. So he climbed down the last few stairs and then stepped outside with a pounding chest. 

"Oliver! Do you want to eat?", pro asked him and Oliver was happy, that they were just as nice as before.   
"No thank you. I am heading down the stones actually."   
James gave him a look of agreement. So they probably know Elio was down there. 

Oliver nodded at them and gave them a pressed smile.   
He then headed down to the stones and spotted Elio again. he looked so cuddly in big jumper that was probably his dad's. His curly hair was looking so smooth and soft. Oliver just watched him from afar and then he breathed in and out to calm his nerves and stepped closer. Elio didn't move, even though Oliver made noises.   
Oliver stood next to him and Elio leaned his head to the side where he was standing. He looked at Oliver's feet. Elio had his one foot set on the stone and his arms were on the leg with his face laying on top of his arms.   
"Hey.", Oliver said.   
"Hey.", Elio said back, his voice was soft.   
"Can I sit down next to you?"   
Elio nodded.   
Oliver sat down next to him, not too close but also not too far away.   
They sat in silence for a bit.   
"Did you read the letter?"   
Elio nodded again.   
"I did yes."   
"And..and what do you think about it?"   
Elio snuggled further in his own arm.   
"I am not so sure."   
Oliver nodded.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for not updating for a while and not giving you the full talk yet. But life got in-between my plans a lot lately. I will try to update soon! Hope you enjoy anyways.


	23. Tell me how you feel my love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Elio and Oliver continue their talk at the shore, but what Elio says and feels is not what Oliver expected..or maybe he did but he didn't realize until now..

„Elio..I“, Oliver started to say, but Elio held up his hand.   
„Why din’t you tell me?“   
Oliver looked over to Elio.   
„That I cancelled the wedding?“   
Elio nodded.   
„Yes. All this time you were here and you didn’t say a word. Why?“   
Elio seemed so small right now, and Oliver hated it. Hated to see him like this, so broken.   
„I wanted to tell you, but I actually thought you knew.“   
„How could I have known?“   
„Well your dad knew and I just assumed he told you. And that you knew the reason why I came here.“   
„What is the reason you came here.“   
Oliver looked at Elio like he was an alien. Why? Did he still doesn’t understand.   
„You still don’t know?“   
Elio looked out to the water.   
„Well I could assume a reason, but I don’t want to. I want to hear it from you. That is not too much to ask right?“   
No it wasn’t too much to ask. It was actually the right thing to ask, and Oliver now knew he should have done it earlier. 

„Because of you. I came back because of you.“   
„Why?“   
„Why?“   
„Yes why?“, Elio insisted.   
„What do you mean Elio?“   
„I mean that you called your wedding of and came here to what? Have me now that you are single again?“   
„I called the wedding of because of you as well.“   
„No you did that because of yourself. Because you wanted to be yourself and being with her is not that.“   
Oliver was silent for a moment. That was partly true.   
„But you made me realize that I was not myself and that I wanted to be myself.“   
„And it never occurred to you that maybe I should have a say in you coming back as well?“   
Oliver was stunned, this was going, again, in avery wrong direction. Elio seemed mad and determined, nothing like the sweet boy he knew and had all these months ago.   
„Well your dad…“   
„I don’t care about what my dad said to you. He is not me and he doesn’t know what I feel, Oliver.“ 

Oliver nodded.   
„Of course he doesn’t“   
„Well and that is exactly the reason why you should have talked to me before coming here. You know how I felt? My dad told me weeks ago that you would come back here and on top that you would bring a friend. And I understood you have to ask my parents too, if you can stay and stuff because it is their home. But Oliver, you didn’t even contact me! You just came here and you and maybe my dad too just decided that you would come back.“  
Oliver was stunned again. Elio was mad and Oliver actually understood it. It was wrong what he did.   
„Okay I see I should have done that differently. I should have reached out to you. But you are or were not happy that I came here?“   
And at that Elio looked at him, for the first time tonight. Because he, also, knew those words.   
„I don’t really know to be honest.“   
And that hurt. Oliver felt his chest clenching and he had trouble breathing suddenly. Elio was not happy that he was here? Not at all?   
„Okay.“, Oliver said. „Why are you not happy about it? Elio please tell me how you feel.“ 

And at that Elio’s look suddenly changed. It was content and like he was happy he got what he wanted. 

„Well for months after you left, I wished nothing more than for you to come back. I imagined getting a phone call and you saying that you are at the station and if we could come pick you up. Or you would write me a letter saying you miss me too much and ask if you could come back. Or even asking if I want to come to the states.“   
Oliver had to smile. Those were cute imagines.   
„But what you did was the complete opposite. I wanted you back so badly and I was not over you yet. But you just decided over my head, just like you decided to go back to the States. And me? I just always have to accept everything. This is how I feel Oliver. I feel like a child, that can’t make his own choices and that someone always has to do that for me.“ 

Oliver was speechless. He didn’t expect Elio to feel that bad about him coming back and not telling him beforehand.   
„And you know why else I didn’t like the way you came back?“   
„Why?“, Oliver asked in a very low voice.   
„Because you made me be mad at my dad. Because he just agreed and just told me you would come back and I know he just wanted to help me..us. But he also acted like I didn’t have a say in it and just welcomed you back. Because you are Oliver, the movie star, the guy everyone likes. And everyone would gladly welcome you back here,“   
Oliver held his head low now and looked to the ground, but then he realized he needed to actually say something. Because he was silent for way too long already.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OMG! I am so sorry for not updating for so long! Uni and life was just a bit much lately! :( Sorry but here you go :)


	24. Am I music to you?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oliver explains himself to Elio, and maybe there is a spark of hope?

Oliver just needed to say something to make this right. Not just to soothe Elio or make him not being mad again. But he needed to actually tell him how he felt and he needed to apologize to him. 

„Elio.“ 

Elio looked down to his hands and played with his fingers. He didn’t say anything or showed him that he was listening to Oliver. But Oliver didn’t care anymore because he just wanted to tell Elio that he was so wrong. 

„I never meant for you to feel like this. I never wanted to come of as I don’t care for you or about your feelings in this. Because I do, I was just focused on my own so much. I know I decided over your head, I see that now. I understand. I was wrong. I did it all wrong.“

Elio looked up at that. He never heard Oliver saying he was sorry for anything and it shocked him to be honest. That he was actually admitting that he was wrong in his doings. He was always that American guy who w´never cared about a thing, who always seemed so sure of himself and of what he does. Elio never thought Oliver doubted anything he is doing. He must always have faith that what he was doing was good, that he was doing the right thing. And if not, he would find a way to make up for it. Because it was Oliver, and the world couldn’t harm Oliver. 

„I will tell you how I felt now. Because you deserve to know and you should know. Because I am, as you know, not really good at talking about my feelings. I never was and never had to that much. I am not an emotional person nor romantic. But..but I will do it now, I will try. Will you listen?“ 

Oliver stared at Elio, waiting for a sign, Any sign that he was listening to him and that he accepted his offer. He felt weird waiting for Elio to say yes. Oliver always just talked to him when he wanted to that last summer, he never asked him if it was okay or if Elio wants to listen to him. And maybe that is what bothered Elio? But then again he fell in love with him back then, or maybe he didn't. Oliver didn't know if Elio loved him, Even if he hoped he did. He really hoped that. 

One nod. One tiny nod. Elio nodded and it gave Oliver hope in his chest that maybe after Elio listened he would feel better about all this. Maybe they would be fine. Maybe there was hope. Elio didn’t push him away nor told him to shut up. That was a good sign, right? 

Or maybe Elio just wanted to have closure. Just wanted to know what made Oliver do what he did. Oliver would understand that, it was probably really hard for Elio to understand why Oliver was acting the way he did. Now and also still last summer. 

„I was so pained Elio. Just as you, maybe even more. I came here that summer to get education and my book done. I just planned to have a nice summer in the hot Italian sun and get to know the cities and the culture. And I was excited to work with your dad, he is so talented and wise. But when I came here, I found something else. I fell in love with a boy, with the son of the Professor I was staying with. And it seemed so unreal to me. that this, out of all things, would happen to me. And I usually am able to control things like these, but with this I just couldn't. I felt myself so strongly attracted to you and it was so very hard to stay away. I never had that before. I would have been so confused if I would have let it get to me. But I tried everything just to get it out of my head, to not let it into my system. I just tried to distract myself, that is why I went out so much, why I was sleeping with others. Why I was sleeping with Chiara. I thought it would make you back off. Because then I could have moved on, I thought. If you were heartbroken by that, and didn't want to speak to me ever again, I would have been able to ignore it better. But you didn't. And I was lost then. What was I supposed to do? I didn’t and couldn't want to admit it. Not to you, not to your parents and for sure not to myself.“ 

„Because I am a boy?“, Elio asked. 

Oliver was surprised to hear Elio’s soft voice again. He was sure that he would wait it all out until Oliver was done with his speech. 

„Yes partly. Because you are a boy and because I was always able to just hold these feelings back. But not with you. I couldn’t hold back with you. I would be lying if I said I was never interested in a man before, I liked a few before you. But it never got to a point where it would have lead to anything. I never was in that position before Elio.It were just some men I saw on the streets or in a magazine or something and I would think about them maybe. But I never actually had someone so near to me that I was interested in. But with you, you were just so..willing and you were always there of course. Hell, we were living under the same roof and I would always see you, dine with you, jog with you, share a bathroom. All these thing kept me on edge so much. And I knew you wanted me too after that kiss. I knew if I acted on it again, you would have been on it in a heartbeat. You would have been happy even maybe. And a lot of times I was very near to act on it and just do it. Just give it a go and fulfill our desires. But I didn’t want to risk that, at the last moment I always backed out. So I tried to stay away from you. Or well I decided to. To be good.“ 

Elio remembered the moment when they first kissed and Oliver said: „I want to be good.“  
Good was not kissing a boy? Good was acting on your feelings and desires? 

„But I wasn’t good. Or maybe I was because I had a girlfriend at home back then, so it was good I didn’t act on it. But that was not the real reason I didn’t act on it. And it is not not good to kiss a boy or have feeling for him. I know that is what you are thinking right now, and now it is also what I am thinking. Now that I am free. But back then I thought it was really bad. The real reason was because.. because I was scared. To..“ 

Oliver looked down on the floor, not being able to say it. To say that he couldn’t be himself. That he was scared. He never talked about this with anyone, or maybe with James these last few weeks. But he still had a hard time admitting that his parents were pressuring him so much, that he didn’t do what he wants to do. He felt like a little child, that was just doing what his parents said. And now Oliver realized that he was actually ashamed Ashamed that he let them do this for so long with him. Hell, he almost married a woman for them, that he didn't want to marry. That just shows how much influence they had on him and his life. And now, being here, Oliver couldn't believe he let this happen. To let it in his way for so long. It destroyed a few years of his life, that could have been happier, and maybe even more loving. 

„Listen.. I don’t want to have your pity or whatever. But I never had such an open family. And this is not me pushing it on that. I know it is my fault. But that is where it comes from. I was never able to be myself, my real self, I think. I have this version of me, that is me, but something was always hidden under the surface. And it wasn't just my sexuality. I always felt like part of me was not my real self but a crafted thing by my parents. And maybe that sounds like shit to you, because you don't know the feeling. But it was something that I didn’t let out because I knew it would mean trouble. That it would cause so much trouble, and I didn’t want that. But then I met you. And you were the first reason that was worth it for me. That was worth going through that trouble and to accept this part of me. Now I took a chance to finally have that life that I always felt I was missing out on. And you made me do that step, Elio. I am a grown ass man and you are a "boy", the would say. And still you made me do it, all these years I was never able to do that myself. But then i meet an Italian boy and fall in love with him and he does it for me? Just like that? I was terrified of that. So, I just want you to know, I did it because of you. I did it for me but because of you.“ 

Elio looked at him and his eyes were looking at him with this beautiful aura in them. The air outside made his skin around the eyes red and his skin looked pale. His lips a nice contrast against that white color. He looked at him like in that summer. Like Oliver was showing him wonders, like he was the most precious thing he ever met. Like he was dying to just listen to him. Like his voice and words were music to him. 

Like music. 

Like the thing he loves the most.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long wait until a new update! Life got busy haha :)


	25. Let me prove it

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How will Elio react further? Will they make up?

„You did it because of me.“, Elio repeated like it was a mantra.   
„Yes.“, Oliver said to make Elio fully understand.   
„Did you tell your parents?“   
Oliver looked away with a pain in his eyes that Elio didn’t miss. 

„She did.“   
„Who?“  
„Anne.“   
„Your fiancé?“   
Oliver nodded.   
„Why would she do that?“, Elio asked in a serious voice.   
„Well she was mad at me for calling the wedding off. So I guess as payback she told them“   
„That doesn’t give her the right to tell your parents you are…whatever you are.“   
Oliver had to smile at that, Elio didn’t put people in drawers. He always lets them be themselves and lets them define themselves. That’s why he loves him so much. Because he was one of the first people that just accepted Oliver as he was. 

„That is very much true. But I don’t really mind all that much.“   
Elio looked up at that again. He looked at Oliver with a surprised look on his face. Oliver thought he was about to say something, probably to ask why, but then Elio just looked out to the sea again.   
„I would have told them anyways. I am not sure..what I am.. but I would have told them why I called it off eventually. It was just not on my mind at that moment.“   
Still Elio was not moving at all.   
„Because you were.“   
Oliver saw Elio closing his eyes. He looked hurt. 

„Please stop.“, Elio whispered after a little while.   
Oliver felt his heart crushing at that words. He felt like that talk finally made things better and Elio was willing to talk again, but maybe he wasn’t at all.   
„Why? Why Elio?“   
Elio blinked his eyes open and closed and Oliver sensed he was about to cry. It hurt him so much to see him like that. the boy that always spread joy last summer.   
„Because you will just hurt me again.“   
„Elio.“  
„No. You..you always say these things. Like on the telephone last year. And it makes me think I can’t be mad at you because you are still nice. But I want to be mad. If you leave me again, I want to be mad at you so it won’t hurt again.“   
Oliver was shocked. Elio really thought so low of him, but Oliver knew that he deserved every bit of it. He deserved Elio thinking he wasn’t as in love with him as Elio was with Oliver. He deserved the sadness and the pain he felt because of Elio’s words. He deserved everything Elio decided to throw at him. Because he just hurt him so much in the little time they knew each other. 

„What if I won’t leave you again?“   
Elio looked at Oliver with a look, that said he didn’t believe him.   
„I meant what I wrote in the letter, Elio. I should have told you earlier, right after I came here. I should have told you I am here to stay. With you. For you. I’m 100% in.“   
„Oliver! You won’t just leave your whole life in the states behind for me, stop telling me that.“   
„But I will. I really am willing to do that Elio. I know I gave you no reason to believe me, but I am sure of that decision. I want to be with you. And if that means staying here, then so be it.“   
Elio didn’t say anything. 

Then Oliver saw Elio lifting his arm and swiping the sweater over his eyes. 

He was crying. 

Oliver made him cry again. 

„El..“   
„I wanted to hear that for so long, you know. I stayed awake so many nights and dreamed of you saying something like that. I wanted you to choose me, I wanted you to call me again and you saying you miss me so much. that you can’t be apart from me and you need to come back. I wanted you to ask me if you could come back.“   
Oliver smiled. 

„But now.. I don’t know. I just feel pain, Oliver. I feel..“   
He looked away, not wiling to say what he wanted to say.   
„Say it. You can say it, whatever it is.“   
Elio sniffled.   
„I don’t feel like I can trust you anymore and that is hurting me. I had that instant trust towards you when you first came here. I don’t know why, but it was there. I wanted to tell you my deepest secrets and share “   
He turned around and looked at Oliver. A pained expression on his face.   
His eyes were red and brimming with tears. He looked beautiful. But what he was saying break Oliver’s heart in two.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okkkk I know it's been way too long and I know this is way too short. But I have exams coming up and I am stressed as hell. But here you go with a little update. Bare with me, I am trying :( <333 love you!!


	26. I don't know if I can trust you again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> BIG Sorry for not updating is so long! OMG I don't know what happened, time is not my friend. I am really sorry and I didn't mean to neglect this fic for such a long time. I hope you will still read this chapter.

"I deserve it. I deserve that you don't trust me anymore. Don't get me wrong Elio. I am devastated that you can't because I too felt that instant trust towards you. But I betrayed you no? I didn't tell you about my fiancé, I didn't tell you I have a whole life planned out and waiting at home for me. I didn't mean to play you or to fool around with you and leave you behind. But I still betrayed you and I certainly don't deserve your trust anymore." 

Elio looked at him with a pained expression. Hurt and confusion was written all over the young man's face. 

"But I still have to ask. I have to ask you if I can make you trust me again? If I can try and make you feel that trust again? Elio I promise to you right now, I will try to never hurt you again. I will never betray you again, I will be honest. You can ask me whatever you want, I will answer with the truth. because you deserve it. After all, you deserve it." 

Oliver felt the tears streaming down his face, the fact that Elio lost his trust towards him, the main thing that made them bond, was gone. It was the most delicate part of their connection. that they felt like the other one was made for you, that you could talk about everything without being judged. That you felt safe and appreciated. That you couldn't do a thing to make the other walk away. And still Oliver did it. he broke it. He broke the spark. The golden bond that connected them. 

"I don't know.", Elio said in a quiet voice.   
"I know I am asking for a lot Elio. I know. But please, if you feel like there is any hope left, let me make it up to you. Let me show you how much you mean to me. How much I want you back in my life. For good this time." 

Please tell me you have hope left. That was what Oliver really wanted to know. He was finally able to commit to this. To him liming men. To him liking Elio. To be away from the States. To be away from his family. To be away from a life he didn't want. A toxic life. But when he decided for that, he always planned for Elio to be there. And that part of the plan failed massively now. He just needed to know, if Elio still wanted him. Still could want him. 

"Oliver. I never stopped having feelings for you, you know that. I was gone for you the minute you came here. And when I got to know you, you were everything to me and more. My world, my star, my movie star." 

Oliver smiled at the memory of the name. 

"And my whole life circled around you, even when you were gone. I adored you, I admired you. I had so much love and respect for you. But when you told me about the fiancé, I lost it. You destroyed it with that one sentence. Because I thought we had a better connection. I thought, foolish as I am, that I was the same what you were for me. Your world. And then I realized there was someone else. And my whole world broke down. Everything I thought wasn't valid anymore. All the memories didn't mean the sam anymore." 

"Oliver you were always my world since I met you. I know there was someone else in my life, but not in my heart anymore. I swear to you, those memories were the same for me as they were for you. they are the most sacred things I have. The best moments in my life. Elio, I know you think it changes everything. But it doesn't. Not for me. I was another man before I came here. But I left with you in my heart and that didn't change one bit. I promise you that." 

Elio watched him and tears escaped his eyes again. 

"Did you think about her while having me in your bed? While riding the bike with me? While talking about books? Was she in the back of your mind?" 

Oliver shook his head. "No she wasn't. The only thing on my mind constantly here was you. Just you." 

Elio looked very thoughtful. He adverted his eyes from Oliver and looked out over the sea. 

"What you and me had is rare, Elio. Really rare. And I know, I was the one to mess it up. But I understand now. I am sorry for creating a mess out of something so beautiful. I just want to build this up with you because I know it will be the best thing in both our lives." 

Elio still looked out over the sea. 

"Dad said something like that too."   
"What?"   
"That what we had is rare. And beautiful. And that I should appreciate it."   
Oliver had to smile at that. Elio's dad was so great and supportive. Elio deserved nothing less.   
"And do you?"   
"What?"  
"Appreciate it?"   
"Of course I do." 

Oliver nodded to himself and looked at Elio's side profile. He looked at the curls and the glowy skin. At the red rimmed eyes that were still leaking tears. 

"I don't know if I can trust you again. I don't know if I can make this promise Oliver."   
"You don't need to promise it to me." 

Elio looked at Oliver again. 

"So you..you still have hope?", Oliver asked carefully.   
Elio looked out to the sea again.   
"I think so. If I say no now, I know I will be mad at myself later. Because I will always ask myself what if? But I don't know how long it will take or if it will work. You have to be patient and understanding. And don't push me too much." 

Oliver felt a spark in his chest. Was this Elio saying yes to trying again? Saying he would try to trust Oliver again? Was this really happening? Was his wish of a life together coming nearer and become reachable? 

"I will. I will do all of these things. For you. For us. We will take this slow and you can determine the time and that is okay and what not."   
"We will work on it together. I don't want you to just follow my lead."   
"Okay. Yes. We will try together. So that is a yes?" 

Elio slowly looked at Oliver again and his eyes changed. They were softer, his face looked much younger and less stressed. He looked alive, Oliver noted. He looked like the boy he met a little bit more now, the boy full of energy and happiness and sunshine. 

"Yes.", he whispered. "A yes to trying."   
Oliver felt his emotions exploding. He felt a rush of happiness and love coming over him. Elio said yes to trying. This wasn't a definite yes but Oliver would make sure it will become one. This was all he wanted, just a chance. Oliver felt tears leaving his eyes again. 

" I swear to you, if you fuck it up again, I will not accept you back in my life Oliver. I cannot go through this again. Please don't hurt me again. Please don't." 

Oliver's heart was breaking. Elio was so lost and heartbroken, all because of him. But he will make it his mission to make him happy again. To make him the best boyfriend he can be, if they got to that point. Oliver was determined and committed to this. This is all he wanted. For Elio to give him another chance. 

"I won't. I swear I won't. If there are any problems I will talk to you. I will not do something like this again, Elio. I am sorry you had to go through that because of me. I will make sure you will just be happy because of me from now on. never sad." 

Elio looked at him. 

"That would be impossible."   
"What?"   
"People fight Oliver. It is natural. It is what happens. You should know." 

Oliver chuckled. Elio, always the smart one.   
"I agree yes. But I will still try my best." 

Elio looked at him and nodded. He looked tired as hell and he was probably really cold, because his skin was reddish now. 

"Thank you Elio. For giving me another chance. For believing me and see some hope. I probably don't deserve this but thank you. Really. That is all I wanted."   
Elio looked surprised and Oliver must admit this was surely weird. Oliver didn't say thank you much, mostly just because out of manners. But he felt like he should thank Elio for giving them another chance. Without his approval, they would be done for real now. 

Elio nodded at him and gave him a small smile. And god that smile. That smile would be the death of him. When Elio smiled at you, it always lights up your entire mood and day. It was just so sincere and real, you felt like the happiest person to receive it. 

"Elio?"   
"Yes?"   
"Can I.. can I hug you?"   
"What?"   
"I didn't touch you in any way since the train station and I just..I want to feel you. Even if it is just a hug."   
He sounded so desperate, it was so unusual for him, but he let his walls down now. He was going in, if that meant to keep Elio, it was worth it.   
"Yes you can hug me.", Elio said with a soft voice. He turned his body towards Oliver and looked at him. Oliver sat up on a stone right next to Elio, that was the same height as his and then he looked deeply into Elio's eyes. he wanted to enjoy this, to feel this.   
Oliver leaned forward and he closed his arms around Elio's small frame and closed his eyes when he rested his head on top of Elio's shoulder.   
He felt Elio putting his arms around his waist and laying his head in Oliver's neck. He breathed in and Oliver smiled. Elio always told him he liked his smell. 

Oliver felt the tears still flowing from his eyes. Happiness overcoming him from hugging the love of his life again. To feel him against his body. To feel him breathing against him. To be close to him. To feel connected. To be accepted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So little reunion? Elio agreeing to try is a start right? What can Oliver do to get his trust back? So many open questions. Wish me luck to write again soon. You know how I am with that. Haha. Hope you enjoyed.


	27. First touches, last hopes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Elio and Oliver spend some more time down by the sea. And Elio is honest again. And maybe Oliver will be too?

Oliver felt Elio shivering under his big jumper. It was a chilly night indeed and Oliver didn’t want Elio to get a cold.   
„Are you cold?“  
Elio nodded.   
„Yeah it is quite a cold night, no?“ 

Oliver looked down onto himself. He was just dressed in a t shirt, but he was not cold. The happiness and love running through him, made him feel warm.   
„I am not cold but if you are, maybe we should go back inside.“   
Elio made a look like he didn’t want to go back in.   
„Or we could stay here if you want. I don’t mind.“   
Elio looked at Oliver and then out to the water.   
„Let’s stay here a little while longer? Just a little.“   
Oliver nodded happily and he looked at Elio hesitantly.   
„I could.. I could hold you? Warm you a little?“   
Elio gave Oliver a side glance.   
„Without any thoughts behind it. I just want you to feel okay and warm. But if you don’t that.. I understand.“   
„You talk too much.“, was all Elio said.   
„What?“   
„You talk too much. Before you never talked that much. You never asked me for my permission or said „If you want to“. I don’t want that.“  
„Oh. I am just trying..“   
„I know what you are trying. You want to take this slow, which is what I want too Oliver. But I don’t want you being different with me. I want the Oliver. The movie star. The man that came here and was so different from all the people I met before. I want that man. Not this.“   
He pointed at Oliver with his finger at his last words. He was bit stunned. Elio seemed to know what he wanted and what he liked. He knew why he fell for Oliver, he obviously reflected on his summer romance.   
„Okay. I understand that. I do. But I need to know if you are okay with what I do. I don’t want to be too forceful.“   
„You are not. And if you are I can tell you.“   
„You will? Tell me?“   
„Yes. If I don’t want something, I will tell you. But you don’t have to ask me to hold me or spend time with me now. Because you never did and even if it is a little annoying at times, it is something I always liked about you. That you just do what feels right. You were always so sure of yourself and what you did.“   
Oliver smiled at Elio.   
„Okay. If you want me to be like that, I will. And I will trust you to tell me if I make you feel uncomfortable.“   
„Sounds good to me.“, Elio said.   
He still looked out over the sea. Oliver didn’t know what to do. Elio didn’t really recognized him at the moment. He just sat next to him. But Oliver figured, he waited for Oliver to make a move and prove he understood his words? 

And now Oliver realized what Elio meant. Oliver never questioned himself like that. He never questioned his actions like that or thought about what to do with himself and how Elio would react. When he was here the last summer, he just did. He did what felt right, he did what his body told him to. If he wanted to kiss Elio, he did. If he wanted to suck him, he did. If he wanted to have sex with him, he did. If he wanted to talk to him, he did. If he didn’t, he didn’t. Some of it was indeed just a play, because he tried to stay away from Elio and detach himself from him. But the rest was him. Just his person. He was just a person that acted on his instincts. Just like when he decided to screw his old life.   
So Oliver shuffled a little and sat on a stone behind Elio. He put his legs on either side of Elio’s small frame and hugged him from behind. He slowly put his arms around his waist and pushed him a little towards his chest. He loved this. To feel Elio’s back on his chest. To feel his small body in his own arms. To protect him. To hold him. It was what he was thriving for weeks, months. Ever since he left this gorgeous boy on a hot summer day. He felt how Elio’s muscles relaxed, how he cozied up in Oliver’s arms.   
„I missed this.“, Oliver said in a husky tone.   
„You did?“   
„Yes every day. Every week. I wanted to feel you close to me again. Have you in my arms. You being mine.“ 

Elio closed his eyes. Oliver couldn’t see that though. Elio wanted to tell him the same. That he missed him. This. To be in his arms. But he couldn’t. Not yet. He didn’t want to crumble down so soon. He didn’t want to be soft again so soon. He couldn’t let Oliver see through him this soon. But he would lie i he said he didn’t enjoy this. Being surrounded by Oliver’s arms again. And yes, part of him wanted to be his again. Wanted to be called Oliver’s boyfriend. His love. His light. Just like in the books.   
Elio let one of his fingers glide over Oliver’s hand. Oliver looked down at their hands. Looked at the point where Elio was touching him. Ever so gently. Oliver let his finger move and he linked it with Elio’s.   
That is how they spend their late evening. Sat on the stones by the water. Holding each other by a finger. One holding the other close to their body. Looking out on the sea. Hope in their chest. Love in their heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My semester abroad came in the way but UPDATE. :) Hope you enjoy


	28. Early mornings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oliver and Elio go on an early morning adventure.

When they retreated to the house, Oliver held Elio's hand the whole way from the shore to the house. He didn't ask for permission, because Elio didn't want that as he said and Oliver knew his usual self wouldn't ask either. He was just self conscious because he wanted to do it right this time. But he just helped Elio standing up and didn't let go of his hand. It was simple really. And it felt amazing. To feel the soft skin under his touch again. To have Elio near him, it was a sign of Oliver having another chance with Elio and Oliver couldn't wish for more. He enjoyed the walk, even if it was short. But soon, they reached the house and Oliver feared that he had to let go of the soft skin again. 

They went up the stairs and came to a halt in front of Elio's door. Elio turned around and looked at Oliver. Oliver looked into the eyes. Those curious and living eyes that were as mesmerizing as in the summer. Elio held his stare and Oliver was thankful for that, because that gave him the perfect view.   
"I really enjoyed this evening.", Oliver stated after a few minutes.   
Oliver watched to see Elio's reaction to those words, but Elio just held the stare still.   
"Me too Oliver. Me too."   
Oliver smiled. He smiled so bright his cheeks hurt. Elio didn't change his mind. He just now recognized that he was scared of that. That Elio changed his mind about giving them another chance.   
"I am glad about that.", Oliver said.   
Elio still watched him with that soft expression.   
Oliver wanted to kiss him, go inside with him, lay down with him, sleep with him. But he knew it was too soon for that. Elio would probably let him, but Oliver wanted to take it slow. He wanted to give Elio the impression that he was serious about that. About them being together, about Oliver being here with Elio, every step of the way. So he resisted his urges and raised Elio's hand towards his mouth. He saw how Elio's look changed a bit. He looked wondered and curious.   
Oliver kissed Elio's hand. Twice. The second one lingered longer than the first. Elio's gaze dropped to his hand. He watched Oliver kissing his hand in awe.   
"Good night Elio. Sleep well. If you need anything, you know where to find me."   
Elio nodded.   
"Sleep well too Oliver."   
He looked at Oliver a while longer, and for a moment Oliver thought he would say something, but he didn't. He turned around then and went into his room.   
Oliver looked at the door that closed and he smiled at the door. He felt stupid, but he was happy. Insanely so. He never thought Elio would take him back after all of this mess, but he did. He believed Oliver and he wanted to try again. Oliver wanted to prove to Elio that he was trustworthy, that he was serious about it this time. That he loved him. That he was the best thing that ever happened to him. That he didn't care about what others said. Oliver swore to himself in that moment again, that he will not mess this up. That he will do everything he could to have this boy with him forever. 

Oliver wanted to go and tell James but he was scared that Elio would try to find him and find him here and get the wrong impression again, so he just went up to his "room". He layed down on the mattress and looked out of the window to watch the night sky. It was all so quiet and peaceful at night. Oliver loved to just be awake in the night and listen to all nothing. It calmed him. And then a thought creeped up in his mind. How he really wouldn't mind living here forever. He wouldn't need to go back to the States. If it all worked out, he would stay here with Elio. So he could be with his parents. At least one of them should maintain a good relationship with their parents and it was surely not Oliver. He wanted Elio to have this life he always wanted. The free Italian boy in a Italian city, learning, studying, making music, having his family and making love. Being in love. Walk the streets with pride. Coming home to the love of his life. And Oliver wanted to be the love of his life. He wanted to give Elio everything he wanted. Because Oliver was older and he wasn't brave enough to do what he wanted, he didn't have the support either. But Elio does and Oliver wanted him to have a good life. He wanted him to be treated like he deserved it. And Elio deserved nothing less than the absolute best. 

The next morning, Oliver was awake earlier than usual. It was eight in the morning and the sky was still waking up when he looked out of the window. He wondered if Elio was already awake as well. Suddenly he got an idea. He smiled and quickly got up from the mattress. He put on some shorts and a jumper and hard another one from his chair with clothes on it. He went down the stairs as quiet as possible and stopped in front of the door he was smiling at the last evening. He thought about knocking but that would ruin the surprise a bit. So he didn't knock and just opened the door. He peeked inside and saw Elio's body laying in bed. Oliver went further inside and made his way towards the bed. Suddenly the body moved and sat up a bit. Oliver stopped walking.   
"Oh you are awake?"  
"Yeah. My thoughts woke me up."   
"Oh.", Oliver said in a worried tone.   
"No bad thoughts.", Elio added.   
"Oh.", Oliver said again in a happier voice.   
"So what brings you here so early?"   
"I was awake early and had an idea."   
"What is the idea?", Elio asked. "It involves me?"   
"Yes it does.", Oliver said and came close to the bed.   
He threw the other jumper at Elio. "Put this one yeah?"   
Elio picked up the jumper and held it out. "Looks comfy."   
"It is and it will swallow you."   
Elio chuckled, Oliver missed that sound and being the reason for it.   
"Are we going somewhere?", Elio asked.   
"Yes.", Oliver answered and reached for Elio's hand when he had the jumper on finally.   
"I have to put some trunks on Oliver."   
"Oh yeah do that."   
Elio turned around and searched for a pair.   
Meanwhile Oliver asked himself if he should ask if he should leave or not.   
"I don't mind you being here. You saw me naked before, if you didn't forget."   
"I could never.", Oliver said without thinking. Elio hummed in response. 

They went down to the bikes silently and Oliver couldn't help but remember them doing the same thing last summer. Sneaking out early in the morning.   
"Where are we going Oliver?"   
"You'll see."   
"Hm I want to know now."   
Oliver chuckled at his impatience. 

They rode for a while and in the middle of the way Elio figured out where they were going and he had to smile. That was actually sweet of Oliver and very thoughtful. It reminded him of that one early morning they spend together after their first time. But he didn't tell Oliver that he knew what his plan was.

They arrived at the berm and they got off their bikes.   
"Going for a swim hm?", Elio said.   
"Yes. I figured it is a good way to start the day."   
"It is yes.", Elio said.


	29. You can touch me if you want

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oliver and Elio go for a swim, but not really.

"So you will swim with me?", Oliver asked.   
"Yes."   
Oliver nodded and smiled and stood there watching Elio. 

Elio stared back. And then he slowly started to reach for the hem of his, or more Oliver's, jumper. Oliver stood stunned. He will get to see that skin again. The naked Elio. The body he treasured. The body he pleasured last year. The body he missed so much against his. Elio still held his stare as he undressed from the piece of clothing. Oliver couldn't think, couldn't do anything than to stand there and watch. He didn't even feel shamed for watching so bluntly, he was just so excited to see Elio like that again. When the jumper raised up and revealed Elio's skin, Oliver felt his heartbeat speeding up. He couldn't comprehend in words what he felt while watching Elio. And Elio knew exactly what he did to him, Oliver could see it. And he asked himself if it was payback because Elio knew that Oliver wouldn't touch him yet. Not now, one day after the reconciliation. And Oliver worried suddenly that maybe Elio just played with his heart like Oliver did to him. Oliver adverted his eyes at that. Elio wouldn't do that, would he? Suddenly said boy stood in front of him. 

"Do you not like me like that anymore?", he asked and his voice sounded seriously insecure.   
Oliver looked at the tummy in front of him.   
"I do. Of course I do."   
"But you don't want to watch?"   
"I do."   
"But you didn't."   
Oliver nodded.   
"Why?"   
Oliver gulped. Should he tell Elio what he was thinking? But he didn't want Elio to think that Oliver thought bad about him.   
"I'd rather not tell."   
"Honesty remember?"   
Oliver sighed.   
"Okay. I just..I was feeling like. Like maybe you are using your body against me."   
"How?"   
"You know I won't touch you and you just..undressed in front of me while looking at me like that. And I..I got scared that maybe you..you."   
"That I am just acting?"   
"Yes. I'm sorry Elio. I don't.."   
"Listen Oliver. I couldn't act it. Not with you. It would hurt me too much to act like I am okay with you when I am not. I would fall all over again for you and then I would be hurt in the end. SO no. I am not acting. I mean it. And I wanted to..I don't know. I just..you always liked my body and I thought..I could. I.." Elio shook his head.   
Oliver nodded.   
"No it was great. I liked it. Watching you. It made me feel good."   
"Yeah?", Elio whispered. "  
"Yeah.", Oliver said and looked at Elio's chest. 

Elio smiled and took Oliver's hand.   
"You are allowed to touch me. If you want."   
He put Oliver's hand on his chest and then put his own hand down again.   
Oliver smoothed over the warm skin and he breathed in sharply. It felt too good. To finally touch Elio like that again. To be allowed to do it.   
Oliver closed his eyes.   
"I missed that."   
"I know."   
Oliver looked up at that.   
"I did too." He said it like a fact. Like of course that was the reason that Elio understood Oliver.   
And now Oliver felt the regret in him again.   
"I am sorry that you had to go through that."  
Elio nodded.   
"You don't have to apologize."   
"Yes I do. I made you feel so bad and broken. I left you. And there will never be anything that I will regret more."   
"Well then make sure it doesn't happen again."   
"I will. You will never feel like that because of me Elio. Never."   
Elio looked into Oliver's eyes.   
"Do you believe me?", Oliver asked.   
"Yes.", Elio whispered. It was almost not hearable.   
Oliver suddenly felt the affection coming over him. He felt so much love for the man in front of him.   
So he raised his arms and put them around Elio. He embraced him in a tight hug. He made sure to warp his body fully around Elio's to make him feel safe, protected and loved.   
Elio hugged him back in an instant and for a moment it seemed like they were back in last summer. Like everything was fine. Like they were just two people in love. Peaceful. Free. Happy.


End file.
